The industrial revolution has dramatically changed the way humans prioritize things. What is your openion

#revolution #humans #prioritize #openion

The industrial revolution has dramatically changed the way humans prioritize things. Not before long, families would eat together.

However

this

has changed drastically over the years. I opine that personal happiness depends more on harmonious relationships with family and friends than work and

wealth

Firstly

, human society has become more and more materialistic over the years. Despite

this

shift, happiness still depends on human interactions and care for our social circle. Temporal

wealth

can never help in achieving

this

For instance

, the famous Hollywood star Robin Williams committed suicide despite being very successful in his field.

Secondly

, people lose their valuable health in their pursuit of

wealth

. They claim

this

is their preparation for a happy life but ironically

this

doesn’t turn out to be the case. Most people who relentlessly pursue

wealth

often miss the precious family time and spend their accumulated

wealth

in healthcare, as they usually neglect their health and well-being in

this

pursuit. In conclusion, I would like to state that real

wealth

is the human connection.

This

keeps us happy and sustains our well-being in the long run.

Submitted by mailtoritika.chandwani on Tue Jan 18 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

183 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The industrial revolution has dramatically changed the way humans prioritize things. What is your openion

Fully explain your ideas

You want to sell your laptop. You think a friend of yours might like to to buy it from you. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: Explain why you are selling the laptop Discribe the laptop Suggest a date when your friend can come and see it

Fewer and fewer people today write by hand using a pen, pencil, or brush. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballer. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.