‘Everybody should donate a fixed amount of their income to support charity.’ How far do you share this viewpoint?

Some
people
suggest the idea that it is better if everyone gives some of their earnings to voluntary
organizations
.
According to
Change preposition
In
show examples
my view,
charity
or voluntary
organizations
are based on supporters with their wish to help. So, it appears that it doesn’t need to expect donations from everyone, and I will explain why in
this
essay. The main obstacle appears that it would be difficult for those
people
who live on a budget
can
Correct word choice
and can
show examples
barely meet their needs to spend extra money on others.
For instance
, in developing countries like Mongolia, most citizens have low incomes,
thus
, it is not fair to judge them by not donating money to
charity
.
Moreover
, if everyone becomes
volunteers
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteer
show examples
and
charity
organizations
become more popular, the financially deprived population could expect and demand too much
from
Correct quantifier usage
more from
show examples
those
organizations
than they can give.
This
situation can lead to an increase in the unemployment rate among those
people
who rely on donations and might cause those unpaid
people
’s work to be unworthy. Despite
this
, If everybody could give extra money to the
people
who
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
a dearth of it, our society would become more peaceful and joyful.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the financial instability of most
people
makes
this
statement impractical. To summarize, the different financial situations in most areas and the necessity of having a limited number of
charity
foundations
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
this
point
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
everybody is not needed to raise
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
donation.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: