IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Violence in the media promote violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#violence #media #society
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Nowadays the
media
Use synonyms
 has a great impact on individuals’ lives. It is
considered
Verb problem
apply
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violence is shown to the community by film,
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 etc. in the
media
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement promoting violent content our society will be discussing the same in the following paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, people pretend things they have seen in the
media
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for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason advertising violence
among
Change preposition
in
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 society increases continually. In recent decades, the film industry has easily manipulated audiences with extreme scenes.
For example
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, the series Fast and Furious which is an action movie includes plenty of car scenes which is why human beings watching
this
Linking Words
 wrap their car around
another
Correct pronoun usage
one another
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 in the traffic,
thus
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 the range of car accidents are able to go up.
Also
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
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terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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media
Use synonyms
abusing
Wrong verb form
abuse
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support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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this
Linking Words
 idea
in
Change preposition
on
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 Facebook and Instagram. More and more people overbear their libellous words and use bad language.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person sharing a photo
is
Unnecessary verb
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naked takes comments that are full of a harness.
Thus
Linking Words
, sighted people behave alike by affecting their content. Toleration has been diminished between every nation naturally.
Furthermore
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, the famous group ‘DAESH’ has been growing violent images through different
media
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. In consequence, many youngsters joined them. In conclusion, brutality is becoming widespread on the internet with movies and social
media
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.
While
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 human beings are exposed to
this
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 situation, the
media
Use synonyms
 has been taking
a
Correct article usage
the
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 lead. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, governments should point out
that is
Linking Words
 violence a problem and restrict it for children.
Submitted by alkanyilmaz90 on

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