IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The downside of modernization and convenience is the increase in unhealthy lifestyles and poor eating habits. That can cause a variety of health issues. Some
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that the government should raise the tax on fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 in order to address these concerns.
However
Linking Words
, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 proposal. Nowadays, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are overweight or even obese is on the rise. One of the reasons is supposed to derive from the fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 that are commonly known as “fast food,”
such
Linking Words
 as French fries, soft drinks, and hamburgers.
Besides
Linking Words
, these
foods
Use synonyms
 are inexpensive and simple to obtain. They are
also
Linking Words
 well-liked by a large number of consumers. These temptations make them unable to stop buying.
As a result
Linking Words
, they gain
weight
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the crucial reason for
weight
Use synonyms
 problems is unhealthy lifestyles.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend numerous hours sitting when they use computers or smartphones for work or recreation, which can lead to a sedentary lifestyle.
This
Linking Words
 will facilitate fat accumulation in their bodies, which is a source of different
weight
Use synonyms
-related ailments,
such
Linking Words
 as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. If they have fast food with a reasonable portion combined with regular exercise, diseases related to
weight
Use synonyms
 will be decreased.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, educating
people
Use synonyms
 about a healthy diet and lifestyle through the media or in schools can help to reduce
weight
Use synonyms
 problems effectively. With the provided information, they will be aware of the pros and cons of the problem and can choose the best way to deal with it. Admittedly, increasing taxes on fattening
foods
Use synonyms
 can have a certain effect on the buying rate.
However
Linking Words
, the fast-food industry contributes a large proportion to the revenue and employment of a country. If
this
Linking Words
 industry declines in production, the government may face various negative consequences. In conclusion, the most effective way to limit
weight
Use synonyms
 problems is through a positive lifestyle and a proper perspective on dieting.
Submitted by thientrang1616 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: