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Band 4.5

International travel is becoming cheaper and more and more countries are opening door for it . Does the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#travel #countries #door
Travelling has become popular among everyone.
Therefore
, international travel is becoming cheaper so many nations are opening their doors
due to
 some merits which outweigh the demerits. I will explain in
further
 paragraphs. To commence with
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 , by travelling,
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 can go
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other nations
for visiting
Change preposition
to visit
show examples
 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
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the
Change the word
their
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 knowledge by meeting with new people
as well as
 through their culture,
dress
Wrong verb form
dressing
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 up in
deeply
Change the word
deep
show examples
. In simple words when individuals meet with others
then
 they become familiar with others which
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 relationship between them and they can share their rituals and culture with each
as
Correct word choice
other as
show examples
 everyone
remember
Correct subject-verb agreement
remembers
show examples
 the practical skills in their life for a
long-time
Correct your spelling
long time
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instead
 of theoretical so when they wonder about other nation , they can get deep information.
Hence
, it would be beneficial for
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 in
thief
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 upcoming life .
Further
 with cons ,if public
go
Change the verb form
goes
show examples
 in other countries for visiting
then
 they can pollute that particular place where they have gone . To elaborate, masses can throw garbage here and there as individuals love to eat food when they wounded that place so sometimes they do not through rappers of food in dustbins which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to creating soil pollution.
Thus
, through
this
 many diseases can be developed
such
 as fiver, anxiety and many more .
To conclude
, international travel is a good thing if it becomes cheaper as middle families can afford to visit other nations but its drawbacks cannot be negligible which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to building many obstacles for that particular nation.
Submitted by gurpreetmalhi4884 on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth in discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of international travel. Make sure to provide a more comprehensive analysis of both sides in your response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, but some paragraphs lack coherence. Work on connecting your ideas more smoothly to improve the flow of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • global awareness
  • economic growth
  • tourism revenue
  • infrastructure investment
  • educational opportunities
  • environmental degradation
  • carbon footprint
  • cultural dilution
  • heritage preservation
  • income inequality
  • marginalized communities
What to do next:
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