IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Television dominates the free time of too many people. It can make people lazy and prevent them from socialising with others. Do you agree or disagree?

#television #time #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Television
Use synonyms
 is very popular in our daily life. Many
people
Use synonyms
 spend most of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
Use synonyms
 and are reluctant to involve in exercising and social gathering. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I agree with the mentioned situation. One of the reasons why
television
Use synonyms
 is so attractive to many
people
Use synonyms
 is that it has a wide range of programs, ranging from cartoons,
television
Use synonyms
 series to documentary programs, which would easily make
people
Use synonyms
 addicted.
For instance
Linking Words
,
TV
Use synonyms
 dramas, like squid
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, make
people
Use synonyms
 spend many hours on them.
People
Use synonyms
 tend to glue their eyes on
TV
Use synonyms
 rather than going out for doing exercise or
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 with their friends, just because they want to finish the
television
Use synonyms
 episode. As a consequence, we will become lazy and isolated from our friends.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the pace of living in a modern city, like Hong Kong, is pretty fast. Most citizens spend long working hours and feel exhausted after a day of
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
the hectic
show examples
 life. They would prefer to have a relaxed and entertaining leisure
time
Use synonyms
 at home.
Television
Use synonyms
 is a good choice for them.
Also
Linking Words
, most
television
Use synonyms
 channels are open to the public for free, it may be one of the most economical leisure activities that even the grass root can afford to enjoy. That’s why
TV
Use synonyms
 dominates
people
Use synonyms
’s free
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 on
TV
Use synonyms
 because it is very entertaining, enjoyable and inexpensive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the busy and exhausted lifestyle makes
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to spend
time
Use synonyms
 on
television
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dfshum on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: