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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine,rather than by following a healthy lifestyle. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #health #doctors #medicine #lifestyle
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Nowadays people rely too much, in my opinion, on medicine rather than on a healthy lifestyle. It is true that medicine took enormous steps in the later century but people often abuse
of
Change preposition
apply
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what researchers have achieved in the field of pharmacy. Many friends are used to
take
Change the verb form
taking
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 paracetamol just to calm down
also
Linking Words
 a light headache, which probably would disappear in a couple of hours.
This
Linking Words
 behaviour is quite diffuse among
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 of
richest
Correct article usage
the richest
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 countries and I think it’s not so healthy because it does not eliminate the underlying problem. Talking about
headache
Fix the agreement mistake
headaches
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, I’d like to present my personal experience. Sometimes I have some strong headaches, especially in the morning and, at
first
Linking Words
, I was used to
take
Change the verb form
taking
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 paracetamol to calm it down, often without any effect and reduction of
pain
Use synonyms
. It took me much time to understand that morning headache was due to the fact that I slept too much during
night
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the night
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, or that I went to bed too late. It is a clear example of a kind of
pain
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 that can be better cured with a healthier lifestyle, rather than medicines. Indeed, the use of paracetamol calms
Use synonyms
pain
Add an article
the pain
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in
Change the preposition
at
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 that moment but, once the effect
is vanished
Change to the active voice
vanishes
has vanished
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,
pain
Use synonyms
 returns. In general, I would say that thanks to medicine we were able to face many diseases that, time ago, were an extreme cause of death.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the fast character of modern life might lead us to find the easiest way to fix little problems in our health, relying too much on medicines and forgetting about listening to our body.
Submitted by balucafa on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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