IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #countryside #city
Some people consider that it is better for
children
 to be raised in rural areas than in metropolitan areas. Others think
cities
 have more opportunities for their growth. Personally, I believe that there are some advantages,
as well as
 disadvantages to raising
children
 in the countryside. On the one hand, I agree. The reason I endorse my opinion is that villages and suburbs provide healthier and more homemade food for families than
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
cities
. There is less pollution and the air is fresh
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are fewer cars on the streets. The countryside is less crowded and life is quieter. Parents
also
 spend more time with their
children
.
On the other hand
, I disagree. Because,
firstly
, I think that
children
 have huge possibilities for education and mental development in the
cities
. When it comes to education, there are a lot of options to choose from,
such
 as preschools, elementary, secondary, and high schools. If we talk about entertainment, there are theatres, cinemas and various
children
's centres where you can have fun, relax and take a walk with the whole family.
In addition
,
children
 feel happier when their families
also
 have peace and prosperity. Parents have more opportunities to find good jobs in the city than in the countryside. In conclusion, I am assuming that they both have cons and dots for the growth of
children
. Rural areas provide healthier lifestyles for the younger generation,
on the other hand
,
cities
 have more traffic congestion and pollution problems, but they have more opportunities to develop them.
Submitted by Tsira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Task Response: The response addresses both sides of the argument but lacks a clear stance. It would be better to take a definite position and support it with strong arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a clear logical structure with a well-organized introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant arguments and examples. However, the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: