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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

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In the concurrent world, advanced technologies are everywhere in our daily lives. Due to
this
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 advancement, we have invented lots of electronic devices. Some people
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
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 that these pieces of equipment may offend us. They think that these phones may share our information
to
Change preposition
with
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 others.
Also
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, we do not know that we have been watched most of the time. To me, I consider that
this
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 may lead to flaws if we do not handle it well. After the 19 century,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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computers had shown up. We all know that these calculators can store loads of databases. The cyber links
also
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 have been improved recently.
Combined
Wrong verb form
Combining
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 these two inventions, it can be easier to track everyone in the world. Generally, modern people cannot live without the internet. When we
first
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 connect to it, it
start
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starts
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 to record what we have googled. After that, it sends data to its services storage machines.
In addition
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, those big companies
such
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 as Google can know precisely the things that you have done before. What’s more, it is clear that when you are travelling, you obviously utilise online maps to navigate yourself.
However
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, when you try to find the roads, those apps
such
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 as Apple map
also
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 collect your locations.
In addition
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, those apps can
also
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 know where you like to go.
Hence
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, they can send relevant adverts to you and promote their incomes. To conclude, I consider these monitoring technologies sometimes can be convenient.
However
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, it sometimes
also
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 can be bothered. If those enterprises can moderate their policy and let the folk know exactly what they are doing,
this
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 may become its benefit.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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