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Writing Samples
Band 5

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affect individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend?

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #individuals #trend
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competitiveness
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 is pervasive, and
people
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 are likely to encounter it in almost every aspect of their lives.
Although
Linking Words
competitiveness
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 sometimes enables
people
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 to perform better, it
also
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 results in
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 level of pressure for
people
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 who are competitive. I believe it has an adverse impact on us because it makes us become low self-esteem.
One
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On
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 the one hand,
competitiveness
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 makes us achieve better performance.
Competitiveness
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 enables
people
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 to set up a meaningful goal, enabling them to pursue it through
hard working
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hard-working
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, overcoming difficulties and pushing their limits. They can,
therefore
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, obtain better outcomes and performance.
For example
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, most athletes are required to be competitive during training, because they need to push their body limits to be the winner in competitions.
On the other hand
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, excessive exposure to
competitiveness
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 brings
people
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high
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a high
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 level of pressure.
People
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 always want to win others in a competitive environment, and
hence
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, they pay more attention to
opponent’s
Correct article usage
the opponent’s
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 achievements rather than caring about their own ones.
People
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 are likely to become sad and frustrated when they did not do better than them, even though they are already successful in their field. In the
long run
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long-run
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competitiveness
Add a comma
,competitiveness
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 may results in
exceed
Wrong verb form
exceeding
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 pressures.
Competitive
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Competition
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 is detrimental for
people
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 because it leads to low self-esteem. Nobody can always be a winner, and too many competitions around
forces
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force
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 us to be competitive. When we lose,
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
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 inferior to others or even be left behind
of
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in
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 life. In a long run, it is not healthy
to
Change preposition
for
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 our physical and
Correct your spelling
mental
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metal
Correct your spelling
mental
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 well-being, which may
result
Add the preposition
inresult
fromresult
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 low self-esteem. In conclusion, even though
competitiveness
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 encourages
people
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 to pursue better performance, it sometimes
also
Linking Words
 overloaded
people
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 with pressure, which could be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
people
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’s well-being.
Therefore
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,
competitiveness
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 has a damaging impact on
people
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.
Submitted by sunny.lovessunnyday on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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