IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Only people who earn a lot of money are successful. Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

#people #money #support
Arguably, it is believed that individuals with high incomes are well-succeeded. Personally, I disagree with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
view since financial resources are not solely the unique outlet to define success.
Although
 these two terms are so close.
This
 essay will shed light on both sides of the view and provide anecdotal evidence to prove the arguments. On the one hand,
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
money does not define a successful person.
In other words
, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 variables to be taken into regard
such
 as emotional imprint and connectedness with others.
For instance
,
Correct word choice
if
show examples
someone has a million dollars in his bank account and
fail
Correct subject-verb agreement
fails
show examples
 to deal with others,
this
 can not be considered as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
well-succeeded, it is claimed by a group of connoisseurs of the University of Michigan in their recent investigation carried out
last
 year.
As a result
, communities misunderstand the concept and regard billionaires as the most successful individuals across the world.
On the other hand
, big money earning is closely related to prosperity. Because of what money is possible to do,
this
 term is undoubtedly linked to fame and outcomes.
For example
, football players who gain big are said to be wealthy and extremely successful, despite sometimes there are not as prosperous as it is said.
Moreover
, a plethora of them
grapples
Correct subject-verb agreement
grapple
show examples
 to be in the first team. In conclusion, notwithstanding the close link between these two terms, the true meaning of well-succeeded
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 beyond the number of income gained.
However
, other social parameters should be taken into consideration.
Therefore
, I still disagree with the statement.
Submitted by vascomunguarepenete on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph connects logically to the next, and that your ideas flow smoothly throughout the essay. Consider using transition words to improve coherence and cohesion.
task response
Make sure to fully address the prompt by providing a clear position on the statement 'Only people who earn a lot of money are successful.' Provide more specific reasons and details to support your argument.
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