IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Everyone deserves to be educated. It is unfair that intelligent people are not admitted to private universities because of their financial background. University education should be free for everyone. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

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it is not a deniable theory that
education
Use synonyms
 is the key to success. every have a right to be educated. In private universities, intelligent
students
Use synonyms
 do not get admission
due to
Linking Words
 financial problems. Everyone needs free
education
Use synonyms
. The following paragraphs shed light on my perspective with related examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is well known that parents should provide the facilities for educational purposes.
However
Linking Words
, school is an initial phase towards higher studies. Extra-ordinary
students
Use synonyms
 receive appreciation in the early stages and are analyzed by their teachers and parents.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they got medals and scored good marks in matriculation and intermediate but, unfortunately, they never got admission to the private sector because they belonged to the middle class or a lower class.
Moreover
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, it is important to give formal
education
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 to every foster university should provide scholarships for sports, higher marks
students
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, and a needy base.
For instance
Linking Words
, the government of the United Kingdom provides free
education
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 to their natives and funding for extracurricular use. Probing ahead, institutes should arrange several programs for guidance because children can learn about their fields and the requirements to taking part in desired fields.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, parents facilitate their kids in educational aspects like helping in career counseling, and teaching their child, do not create stressful environments in homes.
For example
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, in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
show examples
 their school hours are 9 am to 5 pm and their governments provide free
education
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 in university and help to cope with their dreams so
that is
Linking Words
 why Japan is one of the top countries in the field of
education
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.
to sum up
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, for the aforementioned reasons, I agree with the statement that
students
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 need free
education
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 to become successful people and compete with other fields in the employment era.

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task achievement
Your essay has covered the main aspects of the topic, but it would benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader. Try to frame your position more explicitly at the beginning.
coherence cohesion
The essay would flow better if you used more linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. This practice helps ensure a smoother transition and clearer logical structure.
task achievement
Some sentences are repetitive and can be simplified for clarity. Additionally, try to diversify your vocabulary to make your arguments more compelling and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your work to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures, as these minor changes can significantly enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples which strengthen your argument and demonstrate a global perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position and reinforces the main points discussed in your essay, which is crucial in task response.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal access
  • socioeconomic barriers
  • financial constraints
  • subsidized education
  • public expenditure
  • academic merit
  • equitable opportunities
  • scholarship programs
  • student debt crisis
  • higher education funding
  • taxpayer burden
  • intellectual capital
  • tuition fees
  • quality assurance
  • graduate oversupply
  • means-tested support
  • vocational training
  • alternative education pathways
  • online platforms
  • lifelong learning
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