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Band 6.5

Some people think that the best way to become successful in life is to get a university education, whereas others say this is no longer true. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #life #university #education
Becoming successful in life is desirable for many people in our society. Many researchers have tried to decode the key to success in life.
Education
 is one of the important factors contributing to successful careers.
However
, many argue that
education
 has become less important nowadays. In my opinion, it depends on the jobs and passion of each individual. Some jobs require a special degree from a university to be allowed to provide services to customers. To become a doctor, proper
education
 is compulsory to pursue
this
 career which is only available in universities.
In other words
, people would not be happy if an unqualified engineer or architect was the one who built their houses.
However
, there are other jobs that do not need a university degree to excel. Despite the lack of
education
, many entrepreneurs build their business empires and become wealthy. There are other skills that are more important than the knowledge acquired from school classrooms,
for example
, sales, marketing, and communication. With the surge of the internet and social media sites, online shopping is one of the methods that has turned a lot of individuals into successful businesses.
Although
 in order to do
this
, it is not essential to have
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
education
, it requires
hard-working
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
, creativity, and an appropriate set of skills to succeed. In conclusion, even though people might see that university
education
having
Verb problem
is
show examples
 less important these days, I believe that it is still an essential part of individuals who want to pursue a professional career
in particular
 fields,
such
 as doctors, engineers, and architects.
Submitted by boon.aksornukul on

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task response
Provide a more balanced discussion of both views, acknowledging the opposing view with more depth and examples.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is clear, with well-defined introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that the supporting points are presented in a more organized manner to enhance coherence.
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