IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially young people. Identify the possible causes of this trend, and propose some solutions you think would be effective.

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
The
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
crime
 rate is increasing in many countries among adolescents.
Crime
 is one of the main
subject
Change to a plural noun
subjects
show examples
 that we
worried
Add a missing verb
are worried
show examples
 about.
This
Correct determiner usage
The
show examples
 origins of
this
 situation seem to stem from two factors, with several remedies
appear
Wrong verb form
appearing
show examples
 to be open to us. Perhaps the major factor is related to
unemployment
Add an article
an unemployment
the unemployment
show examples
 rate of young adults. Jobless
people
 may become involved in
crime
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
means
Correct article usage
a means
show examples
 to get
money
. A study has confirmed that at least 60% of young criminals are unemployed. If they had enough
money
 to buy daily
need
Verb problem
apply
show examples
things, they would not commit a
crime
.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
cause may be
safe
Correct article usage
the safe
show examples
 storage of
gun
Fix the agreement mistake
guns
show examples
 in
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
. Nowadays, Many families keep a
gun
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
.It increases
risk
Add an article
the risk
show examples
 of unintentional and mass
school
 shootings.
Last
Change the article
The last
show examples
 example is
school
Add an article
a school
the school
show examples
 shooting
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Oxford
high
Correct your spelling
High School
show examples
school
, 15 years old boy,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
killed seven students
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
father’s
Correct pronoun usage
his father’s
show examples
 handgun. The
gun
 is unlocked at home.
Third
Change the article
The third
show examples
 factor may be
drop
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 out of
school
. Schools aim to teach young
people
 moral values
such
Change preposition
as
show examples
tolerance and sharing. It helps to reduce
crime
commit
Change the form of the verb
committed
show examples
. Turning to possible solutions , the biggest step would be
provide
Fix the infinitive
to provide
show examples
 vocational
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 and retraining for young
people
 who have no job. It may
be prevent
Change the verb form
prevent
show examples
crime
Add an article
the crime
a crime
show examples
of
Correct your spelling
or
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 of
money
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Furthermore
, If you decide to keep guns in your home, be aware that many studies show that teaching children about
gun
 safety and use. It is not enough
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 need
control
Fix the infinitive
to control
show examples
gun
 law. In conclusion, It appears
to
Change preposition
that
show examples
 be main causes of
adolescents
Change the noun form
adolescent
show examples
crime
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 lack of work,
gun’s
Change noun form
gun
show examples
 safety use and education. Governments,
parents
Correct word choice
and parents
show examples
 should encourage their young
people
 to
educate
Wrong verb form
be educated
show examples
. Education gives
people
 knowledge and skills. They can earn enough
money
 to live happily with their job.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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