Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday they will become fit. However these days older people are usually lonely and donot talk to others which makes them unfit and how unhappy. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved
A group of the community think that it is beneficial to the old population to spend their time on sports activities to improve their general health state.
Nonetheless
, the development of the world made them isolated from the community and they went through days lonely. I think, their lack of knowledge of new technologies has made them separated from their area, and governments could provide some programs to update their knowledge to solve it.
To begin
with, the crowd used to visit their grandparents usually and it was a tradition to spend at least a day with them. However
, technology has changed our lives and the population does not have that much free time to spend with their grandparents. Additionally
, new methods of communication, such
as phone calls, email and Instagram, have provided an opportunity to find out about others feeling and these methods have made our duties easier. For example
, it is not essential to travel to remote areas to meet with grandparents, you need two phones and a stable internet connection. In our view, it is more convenient and we get used to this
way, although
, for a large number of elderly is a challenging process because this
is new and can not simply adapt themselves. As a result
, they gradually separated from their surroundings and lost their communities.
To tackle this
problem, there are several ways that could help this
generation to enhance their feelings states. For instance
, the governments can provide a mini course that educates how to use new technologies, furthermore
, they can provide new facilities, such
as daily trips or road trips, for the old people and let them find new friends. In addition
, children can change their usual habits respect their older parents and meet them more often.
In conclusion, in my opinion, older people are valuable and it is our responsibility to take care of them, moreover
, the rapid growth of media makes them alone and the governments could provide some recreational plans to break their isolation.Submitted by soroushnorouzi0478 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and Cohesion
I encourage you to pay attention to the organization of your ideas. Implementing clearer topic sentences at the beginning of your paragraphs can enhance the reader's understanding of your main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be mindful of varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Try incorporating more complex sentence forms and transitions to connect ideas seamlessly.
Task Achievement
It is commendable that you have addressed both parts of the question - the reasons for older people's loneliness and potential solutions. Continuing to develop and support your ideas with specific examples will strengthen your task achievement score.
General
Please watch for minor spelling and grammar errors that can detract from the overall clarity of your message. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct these mistakes.
Content
Your essay presents a thoughtful discussion on the impact of technology on older people's social lives and provides viable solutions to enhance their wellbeing.
Structure
You successfully introduced and concluded your essay, offering a clear perspective on the issue which contributes to a strong logical structure.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?