Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extend do you agree?

It is often said that enterprises must build athletic and social buildings like coffee shops,
gyms
and restaurants for local people. I personally agree with
this
statement on a variety of grounds.
To begin
with, these kinds of facilities are mutually beneficial both for the
companies
and people. First and foremost, many citizens spend plenty of their leisure time there,
as
Correct word choice
and as
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a
,
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apply
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result they end up spending a lot of money as well. So, corporations can take advantage
from
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of
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this
trend in order to increase their incomes. A clear illustration of
this
could be said
to
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apply
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be that in Athens, Aegean Airlines has built many coffee shops around the city and
this
investment provides huge incomes for the company (around 2
millions
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million
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euros per month). Apart from that, with
this
investment
companies
can be advertised as well.
For instance
, the same company I mentioned before, gives coupons to its customers with
10
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a 10
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% discount if they travel with its airlines.
In addition
,
this
tendency which more and more
companies
adapt
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adopt
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nowadays, has provided many jobs and varieties of entertainment to citizens. A clear example of
this
is, in my hometown Serres, a few years ago there were not enough
gyms
to go to.
As a result
that
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apply
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, the subscription for these
gyms
was affordable. A couple of years ago, Deloitte
has
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apply
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constructed two huge
gyms
and one football field in my hometown.
This
has
ameliorate
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ameliorated
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unemployment and
also
had
benefit
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benefited
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the local economy.
To sum up
, I am of the belief that these statements support the view that
companies
should invest
on
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in
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athletic and social facilities for local commodities because both sides will benefit in
long
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the long
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term.
Submitted by rouxzdeep on

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Coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer by explicitly stating the writer's position on the topic. Ensure that each paragraph directly connects to the main argument. Conclusion is clear, but can be strengthened by summarizing the main points.
Task Achievement
Good use of examples to support the argument throughout the essay. The points are well-developed and provide a clear rationale for the writer's position.

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