The personal information of many individuals is held by large internet companies and organisations. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction

In the present day, with the advance of globalization and technology, access to personal information by

third

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parties is a primary concern in any society.

Although

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some citizens strive to maintain

this

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information in safety, the usage of cutting-edge equipment by companies and organizations to access them has become increasingly popular. From my point of view, the disadvantages of

this

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current situation outweigh the advantages.

Body paragraph 1

One of the main drawbacks of

this

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is the release of dates,

in other words

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, the leaking of dates can lead to concerning setbacks.

Moreover

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, when

this

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information is released there are more risks of cybercrimes.

For instance

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, according to research published by Harvard University, at least four in ten American citizens already had their private number identification card utilized wrongly by other people.

Body paragraph 2

Another negative side related to

this

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current situation is the lack of privacy.

Furthermore

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, not only fake news but

also

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bullying are directly associated with privacy. Take a survey carried out by The New York Times as an example, it says that when individuals are struggling with bullying or fake news about them, they tend to present three times more chances of depression and anxiety, resulting in a deterioration in their mental health.

Body paragraph 3

There are,

however

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, some benefits. These individuals have more access to promotions of products according to their taste.

For example

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, if a man, who is interested in a state-of-the-art laptop, is browsing on Facebook,

however

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, previous minutes he has visited some websites, because of the algorithms, he will receive on Facebook plenty of advertisements of laptop and products related to

this

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equipment.

In addition

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, when

this

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situation happened, he has more options not only of price but

also

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of quality.

In other words

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, he may take a decision with more awareness of his choice.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the advance in technology has been changeable in our society. It is vital in order to ameliorate our lives,

however

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, it is of paramount importance a perfect balance as so to have more safety for the citizens and security for society.

larissafelipin

Jan 23, 2022

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.5

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

339 words

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