It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It's hard to deny that
money
is one of the most important things for humans and such
a fact leads some people
to generate their viewpoint that everyone is supposed to save money
for the future
, whereas
, such
a statement lacks both logical and factual fallacies and should be examined meticulously. In my opinion, I partly agree with the point for old people
, but as far as personal income
and social economy
are concerned, young people
should use their money
wisely instead
of always saving money
.
First and foremost, spending money
to improve themselves helps young people
gain more chances of earning money
. To be more specific, residents like undergraduates can cultivate practical skills by attending relevant courses, after getting better abilities, they'll be able to apply for jobs with higher salaries. As a result
, those people
will have higher incomes compared with others who don't spend a lot on tuition, thus
attending meaningful classes is a kind of useful investment for young people
themselves.
Furthermore
, our social economy
would benefit a lot if citizens at young ages could achieve certain output in personal finance. Take the case of China: during the period of COVID-19, the government income
had dropped dramatically by around 20%, because young people
are afraid of illness thus
most of them saved money
for future
emergencies, as a result
, government income
was severely damaged during those years. Had it not for the epidemic happening, the social economy
would be much higher and better.
However
, I agree that old people
are supposed to hold their money
as insurance for future
emergencies. To be more clear, due to
weaker bodies, the old might easily catch some serious illness such
as cancer, if they don't save money
, waiting for them is going to be cruel, as insufficient money
for expensive medical measurements is often an undisputed problem. In addition
, although
daughters or sons can help cover the fee, such
a situation might cause great economic pressure on them.
Based on the statement and analysis above, despite young people
might use their money
wisely for a better future
as personal income
and social economy
are concerned, it's better for the old to save their money
for some uncertain factors that might happen. At the same time, it can be predicted that an increasing number of residents will do this
in the future
if they've thought carefully.Submitted by Phigros666 on
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task achievement
When presenting counterpoints (e.g., the benefits of saving money for young people), try to offer a more balanced perspective by acknowledging possible benefits even if you generally disagree.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and supported with examples or reasoning. For instance, discuss the long-term impact of investing in skills on personal finance more comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
Transition words and phrases can help improve the flow between points and paragraphs. Consider using more varied linking devices like 'additionally,' 'consequently,' and 'on the other hand' to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Revisiting sentence structures and phrasing can help improve clarity. Some sentences, especially in the introduction, are quite complex and can be simplified for easier understanding.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, presenting both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, like the one about China during COVID-19, are provided to support points made.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.