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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve Vinsers’ health is by increasing the number of sports facilities at VinGroup/Vinhomes. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health at those sites and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #vinsers’ #health #sports #facilities #vingroup #vinhomes #effect #sites #measures
It is
thouht
Correct your spelling
thought
 that the best way to improve Vinsers’
health
 is by increasing the number of sports facilities at
Vinhomes
. Others, some
people
 say that
this
 would have little effect on public
health
 at those sites and that other measures are required. In my essay, I will discuss both views and give
personal
Add an article
a personal
show examples
 opinion. On the
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
one hand,
Vingroups
Correct your spelling
Vingroup's
provice
Correct your spelling
provide
province
 some sports facilities at
Vinhomes
 is the best way to improve
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 some reasons.
Firstly
,
people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in the apartment or village of
Vinhomes
 can do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, which
is improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their
health
.
Secondly
, they can relax after hard
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
, they can talk
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
 other and communicate in the public region.
Moreover
, they can do more
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 if they are patients, some
doctor
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doctors
show examples
 give some
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advice
advices
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advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to
Add an article
the patient
a patient
show examples
patient
Fix the agreement mistake
patients
show examples
 if they have any opportunity.
On the other hand
, some
people
 say that
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 would have little effect on public
health
 at those sites and that other measures are required
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
.
Firstly
, Vinser want to improve their's
health
, they have to go
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
health
Add an article
a health
show examples
 check every year, which help to control
their'
Correct your spelling
their health
health
, they know about
new
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the new
show examples
 disease and give good
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Vinser
Correct your spelling
Visser
.
Moreover
, Vingroup need
built
Change the verb form
to build
show examples
hospital
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
 or clinic in the
Vinhomes
, so
people
live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in the Vinhome is easy to
exam
Replace the word
examine
show examples
 their
health
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, increasing the number of sports facilities at
Vinhomes
 and
built
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
Correct article usage
a hospital
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 or
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
 in the
Vinhomes
 is the best way to improve Vinsers
health
.
This
 will be helpful to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 for
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
show examples
 and control their
health
.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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