IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that the best way to improve Vinsers’ health is by increasing the number of sports facilities at VinGroup/Vinhomes. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health at those sites and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #vinsers’ #health #sports #facilities #vingroup #vinhomes #effect #sites #measures
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It is
thouht
Correct your spelling
thought
 that the best way to improve Vinsers’
health
Use synonyms
 is by increasing the number of sports facilities at
Vinhomes
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. Others, some
people
Use synonyms
 say that
this
Linking Words
 would have little effect on public
health
Use synonyms
 at those sites and that other measures are required. In my essay, I will discuss both views and give
personal
Add an article
a personal
show examples
 opinion. On the
in
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apply
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one hand,
Vingroups
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Vingroup's
provice
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provide
province
 some sports facilities at
Vinhomes
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 is the best way to improve
because
Add the preposition
ofbecause
show examples
 some reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
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live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in the apartment or village of
Vinhomes
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 can do
excercise
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exercise
everyday
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every day
show examples
, which
is improve
Change the verb form
improves
show examples
 their
health
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can relax after hard
working
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work
show examples
, they can talk
each
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to each
show examples
 other and communicate in the public region.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they can do more
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 if they are patients, some
doctor
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doctors
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 give some
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advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 to
Add an article
the patient
a patient
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patient
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patients
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 if they have any opportunity.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 say that
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 would have little effect on public
health
Use synonyms
 at those sites and that other measures are required
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
some
Change preposition
of some
show examples
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Vinser want to improve their's
health
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, they have to go
hospital
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the hospital
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
a health
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 check every year, which help to control
their'
Correct your spelling
their health
health
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, they know about
new
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the new
show examples
 disease and give good
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Vinser
Correct your spelling
Visser
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Vingroup need
built
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to build
show examples
hospital
Correct article usage
a hospital
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 or clinic in the
Vinhomes
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, so
people
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live
Correct pronoun usage
who live
show examples
 in the Vinhome is easy to
exam
Replace the word
examine
show examples
 their
health
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. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, increasing the number of sports facilities at
Vinhomes
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 and
built
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
Correct article usage
a hospital
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hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
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 or
clinic
Fix the agreement mistake
clinics
show examples
 in the
Vinhomes
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 is the best way to improve Vinsers
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 will be helpful to
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 for
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
improve
Fix the infinitive
to improve
show examples
 and control their
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by nhudinhngocanh on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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