IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to increase the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that costumers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #manufacturers #supermarkets #responsibility #amount #goods #costumers
A colorful mesmerizing
design
 of the packaging attracts consumers to purchase more.
As a result
 , factories are showering a large sum of money into the
design
 and
quality
 of the packaging of the snack. In
this
 essay , I am going to provide explanations for both views and express my opinion. The magnificent
design
 of packaging increases the purchasing power of
customers
 . It is no doubt true that factories and supermarkets mainly focus on their sales volume.
Therefore
, they always emphasise the packaging of goods. Kemy baby snacks ,
for example
, have a wide range of Pokemon cartoon designs on the packaging .
Thus
 , it attracts young children to consume when they see them in supermarkets. If the business is greatly putting so much effort into packaging ,
customers
 should be aware that the cost of packaging will be value-added to items.
Nevertheless
 ,
customers
 will have to pay extra for the same commodities.
On the other hand
, the normal simple packaging
design
 tends to persuade fewer clients.
People
 sometimes believe that the less appealing the
design
 , the lower the
quality
 of the products. If there is no customer attraction to the merchandise , a business will not make a profit .
Additionally
 , the lack of interest in the customer will lead to poor production in the business.
Customers
 are
also
 aware that poor production means poor
quality
. In
this
 unfaithful world , it is very dangerous that some of the factories are using very harmful chemicals without the knowledge of health and safety.
Hence
 ,
people
 should not consume that kind of product from cunning manufacturers. In conclusion ,
according to
 my own experience ,
people
 should try to eliminate cheap items from their daily lives. Consuming
quality
 expensive food with good packaging will allow
people
 to have a better and healthier future .
Therefore
 , buyers should avoid buying goods with less packaging.
Submitted by sandimyahla13 on

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Task Achievement
Be sure to directly address both perspectives in a balanced way throughout your essay to fully meet the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Work on developing your examples further to clearly illustrate your points. This could be done by providing more detailed scenarios or citing broader sources.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay shows good logical structure, with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance this further, ensure a smooth flow between ideas and paragraphs.
Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures more to improve the readability and flow of your text. This can also help in better engaging the reader.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, indicating a good grasp of essay structure.
Task Achievement
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary related to the topic, which helps in expressing your ideas clearly.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing the arguments made within the body of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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