IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Research has shown that the transportation of products and people are the main source of pollution. Some people believe the Government should be in charge of this, while others believe it is the fault of individuals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
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 day and age, with the advent of modern society, there has been
increasingly contaminated
Replace the word
increasing contamination
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 all over the world. A recent survey
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 pointed out that the root cause of pollution is the transporting of products and citizens.
Therefore
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, it has been debatable
while
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 some people think that the authorities should shoulder
this
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 responsibility , others opine that the main reason for
this
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 phenomenon is every single person.
According to
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 my knowledge,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 firmly believe that individuals should assume
this
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 accountability. On the one hand, there is a host of compelling reasons to account for why the governments ought to be in charge of
this
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 phenomenon. First of all ,governments have the power to enact laws to put a restriction on using the volume of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 to deliver products or commute.
This
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 helps them to control transportation usage on the roads.
Nonetheless
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, they did not implement that.
For instance
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, they could adopt a rule which minimizes the number of
vehicles
Use synonyms
 in a day to lower the level of pollution.
Furthermore
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,
although
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 governments
also
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 have the right to organize pertinent campaigns to encourage companies or factories to lower down on used
vehicles
Use synonyms
 to the maximum, they did not carry out and set suitable plans for restricting.
This
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 is truly a big fault of
authorities
Correct article usage
the authorities
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.
On the other hand
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, the reason why some people woo the idea that individuals should take
this
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 accountability. One evident strength is that one of the most fundamental things to contribute to lower contamination is people’s awareness. If they are aware of using public transport for moving rather than private transport to reduce gas emissions from cars or motorbikes , perhaps the environment will be likely to become cleaner and greener.
Moreover
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, sellers can limit the number of goods that will be transported in a day to reduce the pollution level
which
Change preposition
at which
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 exhaust
fume
Fix the agreement mistake
fumes
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 from
vehicles
Use synonyms
was
Wrong verb form
are
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 released into the air.
This
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 gradually makes the environment less polluted than ever. In conclusion, Even though some people think that the government is responsible for contamination from the transportation of products and persons, I firmly believe that individuals should be in charge of
this
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 fault.

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Task Response
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, but try to refine your thesis statement for clarity. Avoid vague phrases like 'every single person' and instead use more precise language. This can enhance understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and topic sentence. This will help reinforce your argumentation and guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
Task Response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially regarding government initiatives or individual actions. This will strengthen your arguments and showcase your understanding of the topic.
Task Response
You have addressed the task by discussing both views, which is an important aspect of the question. Your opinion is stated clearly in the introduction and conclusion, which anchors your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows a good attempt at creating arguments for both sides of the debate. The use of phrases like 'one evident strength' helps in structuring your points, making it easier for readers to follow your thought process.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emissions standards
  • public transportation
  • green technologies
  • environmentally friendly choices
  • carpooling
  • electric vehicles
  • market demand
  • infrastructure
  • recycling programs
  • policies and regulations
  • investment
  • innovate
  • compelling industries
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