IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. What extent do you agree?

#companies #sports #facilities #communities
Everyone needs a certain level of fitness,
therefore
 some local businesses should provide recreational and business machinery to the local residents of that certain area. I solemnly agree with the statement. In
this
 essay, I will find out the physical and mental benefits of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 and social amenities in the locality and its social benefits.
To begin
 with, now nations have become aware of the applications of fitness. First and foremost, social activities and sports play a crucial role in tackling stress and anxiety.
In other words
, it helps the person to cope with mental and physical issues because it generates chemicals in the body that can lighten the adrenaline and other stress-causing chemicals. To epitome that, in a recent survey in the UK, it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 found that society who participate in business and recreational activities have fewer physical and mental issues than those who do not participate in any sport.
Consequently
, if companies spend money on these furnishings
then
 more public can live a happy and active life.
Furthermore
, play and social facilities have many social features like it helps folks to interact with other communities. To elaborate , it reduces the social anxiety and loneliness of many public because it helps one person
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
interact with others. To illustrate, in Japan maximum number of people do not have
their
Change the word
a
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 social circle and they use their mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 a maximum number of times so
maximum
Correct word choice
most
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 people are facing social trauma and anxiety.
Hence
, community centres could be helpful in creating harmony among people and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will
also
 inculcate habits like sharing
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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caring and helping others.
To conclude
 , it will be highly beneficial if companies would invest in sports and social facilities for the benefit of localities because participating in these activities has mental, physical and social benefits to the living beings.
Submitted by navjotarora3 on

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task response
Ensure that all points directly relate to the topic of providing sports and social facilities for local communities. Make sure to address all aspects of the question.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the flow between paragraphs by using transitional phrases to connect ideas more smoothly. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

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