many manufactured food and drink products contain high level off sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Many manufacturers of
food
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and drink commodities embrace the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of
sugar
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ingredients. The result to
people
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in the health issues that happened a lot. Some
people
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think for motivate individuals to eat less
sugar
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, sugary products and
food
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company should be made more high-priced. In my option, I don’t agree that
this
Linking Words
high
price
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strategy
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could be a good way for
people
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eat
Fix the infinitive
to eat
show examples
much less
sugar
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and have
Add an article
a meal
show examples
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
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more healthful nowadays,
Instead
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, there should have some healthy
food
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advertising and publicity that focus on a healthy lifestyle.
Firstly
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, some
people
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think if manufacturers
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food
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of food
show examples
and drink corporate rising the
price
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of
sugar
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ingredient
food
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, the demographic would purchase much less sugary products as little as they can. There are some
people
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who believe
price
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strategy
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could make
people
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who are addicted to
sugar
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can control themselves to have a healthy
life
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.
However
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, in my opinion, human has a desire that they love the sweet taste because it could make dopamine.
Hence
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, at the initial stage, maybe
this
Linking Words
high
price
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strategy
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could have an extremely good effect,
nonetheless
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,
people
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would like to pay for the sweet taste to
earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
more money or find some illegal way for cheaper trade for
sugar
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ingredients eventually.
Secondly
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, I think even
people
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’s nature make an issue that there
is
Change the verb form
are
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some difficulties for control the
sugar
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consuming
Replace the word
consumption
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, yet, product advertising should advocate a healthy lifestyle that makes
people
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interested in different
food
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habit.
For example
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, in Japan, there are amount of diet and
food
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recipe books to
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
people
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to how to have a fancy, tasty and healthy meal. Many
people
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that appeal to these beautiful
food
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books attempt to make a meal by themself.
Therefore
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, many
people
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can keep a fit body
also
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have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good healthy
life
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habits
Correct the article-noun agreement
habit
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. To sum up, I think good
food
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advertising and publicity could make
people
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recognize that they have too much
sugar
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in daily
life
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than the high-
price
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strategy
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. By cooking with themselves, they could have a more healthy
life
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in
further
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.
Submitted by littlekongmy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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