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Band 7

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#internet #newspapers
Nowadays, the utilization of cyberspace has grown more and more prevalent, and some people perceive that
newspapers
 are gradually turning into outdated items. I reckon that
this
 is an inevitable trend because many of its functions have been replaced by the
Internet
 and it is not healthy to keep reading
newspapers
.
Firstly
,
newspapers
 no longer provide as many functions as we used to use them. We used to receive daily news from it,
nevertheless
, the way we learn about new information has changed, with a smartphone, we are able to update things that happen in our lives anytime and anywhere we want.
Furthermore
,
instead
 of seeking jobs in
newspapers
, people these days seek jobs online, which offers more options and convenience. These positive features of the
Internet
 outweigh the role
newspapers
 play in our lives.
Secondly
, the ink
that is
 used in
newspapers
 poses potential threats to our health. Studies have shown that ink can be poisonous to our bodies and surroundings
due to
 the lead it contains. Lead can cause metal toxicity, in the long term,
this
 not only affect people who work in newspaper factories but
also
 those who read
newspapers
 every day.
Besides
, the volatiles of burning
newspapers
 emit into the air we breathe,
hence
, the poison comes back to us again.
This
 harmful byproduct of ink forms chronic damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our body. In conclusion, the emergence of the
Internet
 is a much better option than
newspapers
 for us in many aspects. The
Internet
 benefits us in gaining knowledge virtually and prevents us from touching toxic chemicals physically. I believe that
newspapers
 are behind the times and it is a good thing that it becomes a thing of the past.
Submitted by wendy190427 on

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task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, provide more relevant specific examples or evidence to support your points, especially when discussing health risks associated with newspaper ink.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on improving the logical transitions between paragraphs. More smooth transitions will enhance the readability of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and complete response to the prompt, discussing both the decline of newspapers and the rise of the Internet.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written, giving a nice frame to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally well-supported, especially the point on convenience and accessibility of the Internet.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Access
  • Convenient
  • Fast
  • Expensive
  • Wider range
  • News sources
  • Perspectives
  • Readership
  • Demographics
  • Physical
  • Tangible
  • Reading experience
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