IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and includ

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers #includ
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The
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
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 population has increased with the advancement in the system of healthcare these days.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
society
Use synonyms
 has to look after the growing population of
older
Add an article
the older
an older
show examples
 generation.
Community
Correct article usage
The community
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 is accepting
this
Linking Words
 new challenge because senior citizens nurture values and
culture
Use synonyms
, and will benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 from their
experience
Use synonyms
. The
care
Use synonyms
 for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 can be done by their children and old homes.
Society
Use synonyms
 is willing to welcome
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 population as they can are essential for the survival of
culture
Use synonyms
 and traditions
; and
Change the punctuation
, and
;
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 can assist in all areas of life by their
experience
Use synonyms
. Senior citizens are the pillars of virtue as they support values and traditions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are crucial for the youth because they relate them to their
culture
Use synonyms
. In terms of family and employment matters,
older
Add an article
the older
show examples
 generation would
also
Linking Words
 be advantageous for the
society
Use synonyms
 to learn from the practical
experience
Use synonyms
 of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 by asking for their advice. The
care
Use synonyms
 for
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 is the responsibility of
youth
Correct article usage
the youth
show examples
 as well as the government.
Youngster s
Correct your spelling
Youngsters
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 should look after their parents and grandparents as they brought them up. Now,
this
Linking Words
 is the duty of their children to
care
Use synonyms
 for them.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the government is
also
Linking Words
 responsible for the wellbeing of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 as they have been paying their taxes throughout their lives. The government,
therefore
Linking Words
, should make sure they are getting senior citizen benefits and old home facilities if they need them. In conclusion, as advanced healthcare facilities have increased life expectancy,
society
Use synonyms
 will be happy to welcome older people to save
Use synonyms
culture
Add an article
the culture
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 and to learn from their
experience
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be achieved
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the help of both
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation and
care
Use synonyms
 homes.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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