IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that sports play an important role in society. Others think they are nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #role #society #leisure #activity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Sport
Use synonyms
 has been
practiced
Change the spelling
practised
show examples
 within societies for millennia. While some believe that the role which
sport
Use synonyms
 plays is of great importance, others feel that its only function is leisure. I tend to agree with the former view. (
This
Linking Words
 is not an appropriate specific statement for
this
Linking Words
 style of essay – see feedback for
further
Linking Words
 details) On the one hand, those who argue that
sports
Use synonyms
 have no more significant purpose than a recreational activity might point to its essentially trivial nature. They may suggest that because all
sports
Use synonyms
 are games, at root, involving physicality, their role in
society
Use synonyms
 is not of any substance.
For example
Linking Words
, most people enjoy watching or participating in football as a way to only pass the time. If all
sports
Use synonyms
 vanished tomorrow, the only consequence would be that people would need to find another activity to fill the time. (Only one idea here)
However
Linking Words
, I agree with those (your opinion should not be here – please see feedback for
further
Linking Words
 detail) who consider that
sports
Use synonyms
 provide crucial physical and psychological benefits for
society
Use synonyms
. Regarding the former, the evidence for
sports
Use synonyms
’ impact on a person’s physical well-being is vast and undeniable.
For example
Linking Words
 (repetitive use of
this
Linking Words
 phrase), doing
sports
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis helps to control blood pressure, lowers the risk of cancer and improves heart function. As for the latter,
sports
Use synonyms
 have
also
Linking Words
 been shown to reduce stress, boost confidence and enhance resilience. As
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is only as healthy as its members, it must be concluded that
sport
Use synonyms
 serves a greater purpose other than recreation considering its personal impact on health. In conclusion, because of the sizeable influence that
sport
Use synonyms
 can have on public health, I would argue that its role in
society
Use synonyms
 is much more substantial than
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
simple entertainment. (Not enough detail for your opinion here - plus you have not signalled that you have considered both sides)
Submitted by abdullayev2000ulugbek on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: