IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides give your own opinon.

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There is an ongoing debate about whether cultural
heritage
Use synonyms
 should be leveraged for
tourism
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 revenue or if doing so leads to its deterioration.
While
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 some argue that
tourism
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 is essential for preserving traditions and funding conservation efforts, others believe that excessive commercialization diminishes the authenticity of culture and causes irreversible damage to historical
sites
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. In my opinion,
although
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tourism
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 plays a vital role in safeguarding culture, it must be regulated to prevent its negative consequences. On the one hand,
tourism
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 provides substantial financial resources for cultural preservation. Many historical
sites
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 and traditional practices would struggle to survive without the revenue generated from visitors.
For example
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, UNESCO
heritage
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sites
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such
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 as Machu Picchu and the Pyramids of Giza rely on
tourism
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 income for maintenance and restoration.
Additionally
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,
tourism
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 fosters global cultural appreciation, allowing people from different backgrounds to learn about and respect diverse traditions. Without international exposure, many aspects of cultural
heritage
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 might be forgotten over time.
On the other hand
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, excessive
tourism
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 can lead to the commercialization and degradation of culture. When traditions are adapted to cater to foreign visitors, they often lose their authenticity and become mere spectacles rather than meaningful cultural practices.
For instance
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, traditional festivals in some regions have been altered to entertain tourists rather than
preserving
Wrong verb form
preserve
show examples
 their original spiritual or historical significance.
Furthermore
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, physical damage to cultural landmarks is a major concern. Overcrowding at
sites
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 like the Great Wall of China and Venice’s historic canals has resulted in structural damage, pollution, and environmental strain. In conclusion,
while
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tourism
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 is undeniably a crucial factor in cultural preservation, it must be carefully managed to avoid negative impacts. Governments should implement sustainable
tourism
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 policies,
such
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 as limiting visitor numbers and investing in conservation projects, to strike a balance between economic benefits and cultural integrity. By doing so, societies can ensure that cultural
heritage
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 remains protected
while
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 still benefiting from
tourism
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-driven growth.

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task achievement
Ensure that each main point clearly aligns with your opinion and supports your overall argument. You provided clear examples, but ensure they're explicitly tied back to your thesis for stronger impact.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve coherence and make your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
The essay presents a well-balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, effectively addressing the prompt.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, providing a strong framework for the essay.
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