IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #people #government #responsibility
Nowadays, one of the controversial topics that most of us are discussing is obesity and the unhealthiness of
children
. Most of the time it is arguable that governments have to take responsibility for
this
.
In contrast
, I totally disagree with
this
 statement and I am going to describe a few points behind my argument in my essay.
Firstly
,
children
 are closer to their parents and they have to control their diet. Because of
this
, adults can provide them with more healthy
food
 on a daily basis, rather than junk
food
 or
food
 with other harmful preservatives.
For instance
, we can see many television and YouTube advertisements
which are promoting
Wrong verb form
that promote
show examples
fast-
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
food
 and unhealthy
food
 items. By seeing these types of commercials
children
 tend to ask for these types of diets from their parents.
However
, adults can advise them of the harm that can occur by consuming these and guide them to proper diet habits from the infant stage.
Moreover
, guardians have to direct their
child
 to do more physical activities
such
 as running, swimming or Gymnastics which helps to get a better metabolic system. Most of the countries have
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 parks and jogging or cycle tracks. Society can gain the advantage for the betterment of their
child
's health.
In addition
, these types of activities will help the mental health of the
child
 since they can spend time with nature.
Furthermore
, if
children
 can be directed by the adults for exercise on a routine basis it will be beneficial for their future as well.
To conclude
, by going through the above points we can comprehend that, the predominant responsibility of
child
 health depends on the adult's direction, but not within the government's hands.
Submitted by susithapb on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Language
Refrain from using informal language such as 'us,' 'you,' 'most of the time,' and 'most of us' as it does not adhere to formal essay writing standards.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: