It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Several representatives of modern society deem that local
history
, rather than worldwide
history
, is an essential subject for school students. Indeed, I agree that the overwhelming majority of adolescents should know the stages of the development of their local environment.
Nevertheless
, the political process of various countries should be provided by teachers too.
Therefore
, I am going to reflect on
this
essay my own view of
such
an issue and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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provide strong arguments, which confirm my core opinion. On the one hand, we can observe that the
history
of local regions
embark to be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
forgotten and tutors do not concentrate on facts, which are not coherent with their society. In my opinion,
such
a tendency
exert
Correct subject-verb agreement
exerts
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an adverse effect on the nurturing process of the youth.
For instance
, people should know which events
were
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apply
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happened in the past,
which
Correct word choice
and which
show examples
mistakes were made by their ancestors. Owing to
this
information, humans can avert future troubles and negative ramifications
such
as local confrontations.
Moreover
, people should know about traditions.
For example
, it is required to realise what is the role customs play in society.
Hence
, I suggest that without
this
knowledge
further
development of communities is impossible.
On the other hand
, several experts allege that teachers should more concentrate on world
history
.
At
Change preposition
First
show examples
first,
the current generation should realise which troubles have happened over the
last
centuries.
Thus
, they can prevent negative consequences for the planet
due to
reasons, which have provoked conflicts on the world scale.
Secondly
, the political system of numerous countries is different.
Therefore
, if juveniles
will
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apply
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understand the political process of other nations, they can change or improve the situation in their country and can create a new system in order to increase the level of human life.
Consequently
, I imply that it is necessary to understand what happens in other areas and teenagers should study world
history
too.
To sum up
, I would stress that having made these points, it is true that
such
an issue incurs criticism. From my perspective, it can not be denied that
history
must
include
Wrong verb form
be included
show examples
in the curriculum of the majority of schools.
Nonetheless
, tutors should encourage the young generation to broaden their knowledge in events, which were in the past.
Submitted by sunsistem123 on

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task response
The essay discusses both sides of the issue but lacks a clear stance. It is important to clearly express a position and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical structure with an introduction and conclusion, but the connection between ideas could be clearer. Try to use transition words and phrases to improve coherence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • heritage
  • cultural identity
  • ancestry
  • traditions
  • globalization
  • empathy
  • contemporary issues
  • integrate
  • perspective
  • civilization
  • diversity
  • innovations
  • historical significance
  • nationalism
  • cosmopolitanism
  • historiography
  • geopolitical
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