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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Crime appears to rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective reducing crime.

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
In Mongolia, recently years, it has increased the stealing money, the stealing other’s things, and the shoplifting by
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 the teenagers who are 13 to 18 years old.
Firstly
,
this
 essay will define three problems.
Secondly
, will discuss three solutions which reduce
this
 type of crime, and
lastly
 will be in summary. The major factor stemming from
this
 is the poverty of Mongolia. Most parents do not have enough money for provided
their
Change preposition
for their
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 children’s needs. Because of their wages not
enough
Add a missing verb
being enough
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, or unemployed, they cannot spend much money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their child.
A
Correct article usage
The
show examples
second
 biggest cause is teens’ addictions.
For example
, in wherever, we can appear the social situation which secondary school’s many students especially boys are smoking, drinking alcohol, playing
PC
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a PC
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 game, and have a party etc. They need to pay the fee to in all of
this
. A
third
 issue is the Education system that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not quality. Ministry of Education always changed training policy every 4 years.
In addition
, most teachers should improve their knowledge and teaching
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
. Turning to possible solutions, the most effective measure is all parents, and teachers must control take their children’s addictions.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 solution is the state can
be support
Change the verb form
support
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 national factor companies to create jobs,
also
 increasing people wages.
Finally
, Schools should teach them about to impact harm these addictions,
furthermore
 develop their many skills and talents like
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
art and sport. In Summary, the main cause is families, schools and the government cannot work together for children. Absolutely, the main solution is adults must control take for teens. For
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
 future, let
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
our children
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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