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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The provided charts delineate the change of home in one country from 1920 to 2019 concerning the possession of home appliances and housework time.

The provided charts delineate the change of home in one country from 1920 to 2019 concerning the possession of home appliances and housework time.
#change #home #country #possession #appliances #housework #time
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The provided charts delineate the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 home about the possession of home appliances and housework time in one country from 1920 to 2019.
Overall
, the percentage of three appliances displayed an upward trend, and the proportion of refrigerators increased dramatically. Meanwhile, household work time displayed a downward trend, except for one period.
According to
 the above chart, the proportion of refrigerators was
initially
 very small.
However
, it soared between 1920 and 1980, and all homes possessed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 refrigerator in 1980,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
this
 proportion remained the same in the rest period. The percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home that had vacuum cleaners began by precisely 30%, and it had grown progressively to 2000,
Change preposition
in which
show examples
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 all households owned
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cleaner. The percentage of washing
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
 showed some fluctuations, but it
finally
 rises
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 well over 20% compared with 1920. In terms of household work time, in 1920, it showed precisely 50
hours
, but the
hours
 decreased progressively from 1920 to 1980. The hour
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1980 was around 15
hours
, and the amounts were unchanged
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2000.
Lastly
,
this
 amounts decreased slightly just over 10
hours
.
Submitted by 610justy on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 85%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "provided" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amounts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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