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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Machines are taking over more and more jobs previously done by humans. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages and give your own opinion.

Nowadays there is a growing concern over the substitution of humans for
machines
Use synonyms
. A great number of positive and negative aspects of
this
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 revolution are being discussed by experts. I believe that the disadvantages
clashes
Correct subject-verb agreement
clash
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 with the advantages. I will discuss some of these incentives and drawbacks in
this
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 essay. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
machines
Use synonyms
 have undoubtedly brought us a lot of benefits.
First,
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the arduous occupations which are not only dangerous for employees but
also
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 implausible are being done by vehicles now.
Secondly
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, it has resulted in manufacturing products in huge amounts with faster and better outcomes.
For example
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, it takes about a year for a human to weave a carpet by hand
while
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machines
Use synonyms
are producing
Wrong verb form
produce
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 hundreds of carpets with various designs in a day.
lastly
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, a portion of
expenses
Correct article usage
the expenses
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 of products is being paid to the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 which can be omitted and result in cheaper products.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 there are definitely some benefits with machinery product, it has brought us a lot of problems. For years artificial intelligence had been viewed as a safe substitute for mankind but recently people
are
Verb problem
have
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taking
Wrong verb form
taken
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 a fresh look at it after mistakes that have been made by it.
For instance
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, surgeon robots were expected to provide better surgery on patients;
on the contrary
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, they have resulted in many deaths.
In addition
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, watching
machines
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 doing our chores might be preferable to doing them by ourselves but it suffers from disadvantages that put a lot of people at risk of unemployment.
Moreover
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, laziness will ensue.
To sum up
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, designing vehicles to
do
Verb problem
fulfil
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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human's
Change noun form
human
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 responsibilities
concludes
Verb problem
leads
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 to a faster job with less effort and expenses. I am not completely in agreement with the above-said view because more defects, unemployment, and inactivity are inevitable drawbacks that should be taken into account.

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task response
Ensure that your essay response directly addresses all parts of the essay prompt. Develop your ideas further and provide more relevant, specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is somewhat confusing. Work on presenting your ideas in a more organized manner to improve coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary and language is adequate, but try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and use more precise and appropriate language to convey your ideas effectively.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors in your essay. Work on improving your sentence structure and grammar accuracy to enhance communicative clarity and coherence.
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