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Band 5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
Recently, in several developed countries, the advancement of
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 development index has been increasing
people
 life expectancy.
As a result
, there are some problems that will
impacted
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be impacted
impact
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
.
This
 essay will discuss the cause of those matters and provide some comprehensive
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to resolve them.
First
 and foremost, the elder
people
 will face
Add an article
the economy
an economy
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economy
Replace the word
economic
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 for their
retirement
 time and need
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 heir to take
care
in
Change preposition
of in
show examples
 their
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
period
.
People
 nowadays are rarely
Add an article
a concern
show examples
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
future
 investment to protect their pension time, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will face some difficulties to cover their living
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 in the
future
.
On the other hand
, citizens in developed countries are not
Add an article
a concern
the concern
show examples
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 for their young generations which
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
show examples
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
an
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 extremely low reproduction.
This
 act
particularly
Add a missing verb
is particularly
show examples
 dangerous for their
future
, because they need someone to take
care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 needed and health
care
 moving forward. Despite these challenges, several solutions must be
running
Wrong verb form
run
show examples
 by
people
 nowadays in order to preserve their
economy
 and family generations in the
future
.
Firstly
, every single person must be aware
regarding
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
future
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 condition and start to invest for the pension
period
. By that, they will have a strong foundation when facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement
 time to cover the cost of living for long age.
Furthermore
, in the productive ages, they should prepare for their heirs and do sexual reproduction in order to maintain the line of family members.
Therefore
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 family members will take
care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 individually and
responsible
Add a missing verb
be responsible
show examples
 for their needs in the
retirement
period
. In conclusion, the long-life expectancy will cause an
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 problem and
people
 act in the
future
.
Therefore
, the
economy
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 investment in
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 situation and start reproduction will definitely protect the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
 problem in the
future
retirement
period
.
Submitted by panderino12 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
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