Some people think it is important to spend time in developing a successful career while others think it is more importany to spend time with family and friends. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many opine that spending time extending a successful career is one of the most significant things.
However
Linking Words
,some people claim that
expending
Verb problem
spending
show examples
time with friends and families is more indispensable. From my point of view ,I believe we are living
for developing
Change preposition
to develop
show examples
our occupations and
this
Linking Words
is more crucial than spending hours with others.
Firstly
Linking Words
,in my opinion ,being successful in our jobs is definitely essential.
For example
Linking Words
,we all know the population who spend days and nights studying and working hard
also
Linking Words
,developing their situation in their workplace are more triumph than other humans. There is no denying that making efforts always
answer
Correct subject-verb agreement
answers
show examples
all our questions.
This
Linking Words
could cause people who are always attempting to become successful can reach their goals and become professional in their careers.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
makes it clear why spending hours in expending successful jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the most important.
By contrast
Linking Words
,some people still believe we should
expend
Verb problem
spend
show examples
days and nights with family and friends.
For instance
Linking Words
,in most countries in
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
modern world, there are many humans who prefer to conduct an ordinary occupation rather than having a powerful circumstance.
This
Linking Words
means they just want to earn money. These populations prefer to have much free time with their families and friends
instead
Linking Words
of working hard.
This
Linking Words
would probably be
due to
Linking Words
the change in peoples' lifestyles.
Additionally
Linking Words
,the attitudes related to being successful have been transformed in
21
Replace the word
the 21st
show examples
century.
As a result
Linking Words
,it becomes apparent there is a conspicuous reason behind each claim via societies. To summarise ,I personally believe that the communities should commence
expending
Correct your spelling
spending
show examples
moment
Fix the agreement mistake
moments
show examples
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
successful occupation rather than wasting hours with others. It is predicted that to continue conducting
this
Linking Words
by the population in the world we will become more triumph in all our operations than
Change preposition
in the
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
past in the near future
Submitted by maede.sadeghi8520 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, focus more on directly addressing the prompt and providing a balanced argument for both views. Ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and supported by relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on organizing your ideas in a more structured manner. Use transition words to connect your sentences and paragraphs more effectively, and ensure that your arguments flow logically from one point to the next.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prioritize
  • strike a balance
  • ambitious
  • dedicated
  • work-life balance
  • career-oriented
  • professional success
  • financial stability
  • personal fulfillment
  • contribute
  • supportive
  • cherish
  • bond
  • memorable
  • experience
  • social connections
  • commitment
  • advocate
  • sacrifice
  • juggle
What to do next:
Look at other essays: