IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

State your opinion: Should kids be allowed to have money at a young age?

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It's been argued by some that do
children
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 need
money
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 at a young
age
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. I honestly disagreed with the topic. I hereby give my valuable points to support my essay
Firstly
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 , handling
money
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 at a younger
age
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 is not acceptable for certain reasons. young generations should not be encouraged with
money
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 during school hours .
For example
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, if the
student
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 brings cash to class for some purpose that triggers the
student
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 to buy unnecessary products that lead to addiction,
this
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 affects the self-personality of the
student
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.
Moreover
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 , it may
also
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 lead them to juvenile crimes for
money
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. For more specification, in India juvenile criminal activities have been increased in recent years for the necessity of
money
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 at a young
age
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 .
Secondly
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 , encouraging younger generations with
money
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 will after the school-
age
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children
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 to think about the by the wealth of the other
children
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. For illustration, if one child brings
money
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 that affects the other child to bring the same so that the kid get or steal cash from parents or from others over the property and maintain the status. On contrary , young people have the tendency to adopt things quickly . The most positive thing is to teach the
student
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 about the importance of
money
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 and how to handle it by giving them the supervise of parents. For example, parents should encourage the kids to pay the
money
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 in the supermarket , so it will help them the importance of the
money
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 as well as the addition and subtraction maths for the day to day life. In conclusion,
money
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 should not be encouraged to have
money
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 by themselves at a younger
age
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. it will cause juvenile addiction and status comparisons among the
children
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 that result in Juvenile criminal behaviour.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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