IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8.5

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some think that the government has the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #children #think #government #responsibility
In recent times, concerns have been raised about the increasing trend of childhood obesity and its complications in many regions around the world.
Although
, others argue
otherwise
,
however
, some persons are of the opinion that authorities have a major role to play in addressing the problems which I completely agree with.
This
 essay will discuss various steps the government can undertake in the mitigation of overweight followed by a reasoned conclusion
thereafter
. One way those in power can reduce the incidence of teenage obesity is by increasing the child's activity in schools.
Accordingly
, through extended playing hours and lesser academic periods, the pupils tend to burn more fat from their bodies.
For example
, engaging in sporting activities at a tender age helps to build a healthy lifestyle by decreasing cardiovascular risks.
Hence
 lifestyle modification through frequent exercises helps to maintain a healthy weight.
Furthermore
, the government can enact laws prohibiting the sales of fast foods around the school premises.
In other words
,
this
 will reduce the amount of fat consumption by pupils.
For instance
, statistics have shown that a major contributory factor to excessive weight gain among kids is fatty diets.
Consequently
, if they are not exposed, the tendency of becoming overweight is reduced.
Lastly
, awareness programs can be instituted from time to time to sensitize members of the public and households about the untoward effect of unhealthy living.
As a result
, parents are better able to care for their offspring. To illustrate
further
, caregivers are able to understand early complications of the disease when periodic talks by a specialist are offered through media platforms.
Thus
, treatment or cure could be achieved. In conclusion, countries are witnessing alarming cases of overweight among young ones which I believe those in the position of power can help mitigate through various measures highlighted above.
Submitted by joshuaosarenmwinda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: