Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children #fault #parents

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The opinion is divided on who should be blamed for childhood obesity.

Although

some persons are of the opinion that the authorities should be faulted,

however

, I believe

otherwise

and feel that caregivers should be held accountable.

This

essay will discuss both views in detail followed by a reasoned conclusion

thereafter

. On the one hand, members of the public who blame the government believe they ought to be adequately enlightened through educative media platforms on the risk factors and complications of the disease. As

such

, they are unable to make good decisions about a healthy lifestyle.

For example

, statistics have shown that the majority of parents only

associated

Wrong verb form

associate

show examples

overweight and diabetes with the elderly.

Hence

, their offspring at a tender age

acquires

Correct subject-verb agreement

acquire

show examples

the disease without them seeking proper medical treatment.

On the other hand

, the influence of the caregivers in the development of a child is far more impacting,

therefore

, parents must have the greatest responsibility in caring for their children.

Firstly

, the quality of meals consumed daily by the kid contains a lot of fat.

Accordingly

, there is an accumulation of adipose tissues which

result

Correct subject-verb agreement

results

show examples

in obesity.

For instance

, recent studies have shown that most household meals in a typical Australian family contain excess

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of refined sugar and saturated fat which have been linked with an obese state.

Thus

, predisposing the child to

overweight

Add a missing verb

be overweight

show examples

Moreover

, parents hardly have time for their kids and try to engage them

with

Change preposition

show examples

indoor sports like video games.

Consequently

, less time is devoted to exercise leading to a sedentary lifestyle and being overweight. In conclusion, the idea of who should be faulted for teenage obesity is still debatable. Even though authorities could be blamed, I believe guidance must take full accountability

through

Change preposition

for

show examples

various

Correct article usage

the various

show examples

reasons highlighted above.

Submitted by joshuaosarenmwinda on Wed Feb 02 2022

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task response

Ensure that the essay clearly addresses all aspects of the prompt, including discussing both views and providing a reasoned opinion.

coherence cohesion

Improve the introduction and conclusion by making them more impactful and clearly stating the main points that will be discussed in the essay.

16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children, while others think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Buying things on the internet, such as books, air tickets, and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping this way outweigh the disadvantages?

More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. (What are the reasons for this?, What can be done to solve this problem?) Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some cities, there are few controls over the design and construction of new homes and office buildings, so people can build in whatever style they like. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are increasingly taking place online nowadays. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?