MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS/HER OWN HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. OTHERS THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT. -DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION
Health
-related issues are increasing day by day, which gives rise to hot debates about whether an individual is responsible for his/her unhealthy lifestyle
or whether the government
should take care of it. In my opinion, I believe that primarily humans
are responsible for their own health
. However
, I do concede that government
plays an important role in moulding it.
To begin
with, health
-related problems of individuals mainly depend on : whether they follow a healthy diet or not. The food
which people
eat has a myriad of effects on our lifestyle
. If we consume more carbohydrates containing edible food
, it may cause obesity which is the root of many health
-related complications. And even more consumption of sugar may cause fluctuation in sugar levels in patients. People
should be more concerned about the food
that they prefer to eat. The latest advancement in cuisine and junk food
targets children's health
to a greater extent. For example
, research conducted by the newspaper "The Times of India" demonstrates that children who prefer to consume junk food
daily have less cognitive development and critical understanding. Thus
, the way we eat food
has negative effects on humans
mental and physical health
.
Secondly
, daily exercise and physical work reduce the chance of getting ill and improve the lifestyle
of the individual. A human is responsible for his or her daily routine, and whether follows a routine physical workout or not. Physical Workout helps the human body to get rid of foreign and dangerous substances through sweat, and even reduce the excess fat through pores on an individual's skin. It is evident that excessive obesity in people
's bodies can be removed just by physical workouts. Therefore
, foreign and detrimental elements can be removed by following a healthy routine.
However
, I do concede that the government
can develop various means like testing food
and providing free gyms to encourage people
to follow a salubrious routine. Nowadays frozen food
consumption become quotidian. The government
can set different measures to ensure food
quality. If the government
is reluctant to set measures, it may cause severe health
issues. Furthermore
, the government
should provide a free gymnasium to encourage people
for daily workouts. But it is contingent on humans
whether they eat nutrient-reach food
or do daily workouts. Thus
, although
the government
plays a vital role in a human healthy lifestyle
, humans
are responsible for their own health
.
In conclusion, despite the government
's role, a healthy lifestyle
depends upon human choices for daily routine. The government
can disseminate awareness to make citizens of a country healthier and seize those food
companies that do not satisfy the criteria.Submitted by sangeetakamboz on
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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both viewpoints and offers a personal opinion. However, ensure balanced discussion by providing equal weight to both perspectives.
task achievement
While the essay provides relevant examples, consider elaborating more on how government initiatives specifically impact individual health behaviors.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs for each main idea to further improve coherence and flow.
coherence cohesion
Use a clearer transition between discussing personal responsibility and the role of government for improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage, clearly stating the issue and the writer's opinion, which guides the reader.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, sufficiently covering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Specific examples enhance the argument, such as referencing the newspaper research about children's cognitive development.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example