MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS/HER OWN HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. OTHERS THINK THAT THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD TAKE CARE OF IT. -DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION
Health
-related issues are increasing day by day, which gives rise to hot debates about whether an individual is responsible for his/her unhealthy Use synonyms
lifestyle
or whether the Use synonyms
government
should take care of it. In my opinion, I believe that primarily Use synonyms
humans
are responsible for their own Use synonyms
health
. Use synonyms
However
, I do concede that Linking Words
government
plays an important role in moulding it.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, Linking Words
health
-related problems of individuals mainly depend on : whether they follow a healthy diet or not. The Use synonyms
food
which Use synonyms
people
eat has a myriad of effects on our Use synonyms
lifestyle
. If we consume more carbohydrates containing edible Use synonyms
food
, it may cause obesity which is the root of many Use synonyms
health
-related complications. And even more consumption of sugar may cause fluctuation in sugar levels in patients. Use synonyms
People
should be more concerned about the Use synonyms
food
that they prefer to eat. The latest advancement in cuisine and junk Use synonyms
food
targets children's Use synonyms
health
to a greater extent. Use synonyms
For example
, research conducted by the newspaper "The Times of India" demonstrates that children who prefer to consume junk Linking Words
food
daily have less cognitive development and critical understanding. Use synonyms
Thus
, the way we eat Linking Words
food
has negative effects on Use synonyms
humans
mental and physical Use synonyms
health
.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, daily exercise and physical work reduce the chance of getting ill and improve the Linking Words
lifestyle
of the individual. A human is responsible for his or her daily routine, and whether follows a routine physical workout or not. Physical Workout helps the human body to get rid of foreign and dangerous substances through sweat, and even reduce the excess fat through pores on an individual's skin. It is evident that excessive obesity in Use synonyms
people
's bodies can be removed just by physical workouts. Use synonyms
Therefore
, foreign and detrimental elements can be removed by following a healthy routine.
Linking Words
However
, I do concede that the Linking Words
government
can develop various means like testing Use synonyms
food
and providing free gyms to encourage Use synonyms
people
to follow a salubrious routine. Nowadays frozen Use synonyms
food
consumption become quotidian. The Use synonyms
government
can set different measures to ensure Use synonyms
food
quality. If the Use synonyms
government
is reluctant to set measures, it may cause severe Use synonyms
health
issues. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, the Linking Words
government
should provide a free gymnasium to encourage Use synonyms
people
for daily workouts. But it is contingent on Use synonyms
humans
whether they eat nutrient-reach Use synonyms
food
or do daily workouts. Use synonyms
Thus
, Linking Words
although
the Linking Words
government
plays a vital role in a human healthy Use synonyms
lifestyle
, Use synonyms
humans
are responsible for their own Use synonyms
health
.
In conclusion, despite the Use synonyms
government
's role, a healthy Use synonyms
lifestyle
depends upon human choices for daily routine. The Use synonyms
government
can disseminate awareness to make citizens of a country healthier and seize those Use synonyms
food
companies that do not satisfy the criteria.Use synonyms
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task achievement
The essay successfully addresses both viewpoints and offers a personal opinion. However, ensure balanced discussion by providing equal weight to both perspectives.
task achievement
While the essay provides relevant examples, consider elaborating more on how government initiatives specifically impact individual health behaviors.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay into clear paragraphs for each main idea to further improve coherence and flow.
coherence cohesion
Use a clearer transition between discussing personal responsibility and the role of government for improved coherence.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage, clearly stating the issue and the writer's opinion, which guides the reader.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, sufficiently covering both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Specific examples enhance the argument, such as referencing the newspaper research about children's cognitive development.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example