Some parents encourage their children to be competitive, for example in sports and classes at school. Other parents think that encouraging competition can be harmful to their children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is thought that a competitive environment enhances

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children

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’s abilities and skills,

while

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others believe that

competition

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can be harmful to

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children

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’s well-being.

While

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encouraging

competition

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can be an effective way to improve

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children

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’s productivity and achievements, I believe that it can

also

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lead to serious mental health issues. On the one hand, encouraging

competition

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among

children

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can boost their productivity and motivation to achieve their goals. A competitive spirit helps develop resilience and determination in a child’s personality, teaching them that they are capable of achieving their objectives through hard work.

For instance

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, when

children

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compete with their peers, they learn the value of effort and perseverance, which builds positive traits

such

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as self-confidence and determination. Over time, these qualities can contribute to their success in adulthood.

However

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, despite these benefits, I believe

this

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approach may foster unhealthy relationships among

children

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, leading to envy, hostility, and unnecessary pressure.

On the other hand

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, many parents argue that

competition

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negatively affects

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children

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’s mental health. Stress, pressure, and anxiety caused by competitive environments can result in serious psychological problems,

such

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as depression or low self-esteem, especially if

children

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frequently experience failure. Research supports

this

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perspective;

for example

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, a study conducted by the Psychological Department at Oxford University concluded that

competition

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is one of the most harmful practices for

children

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, as it can destroy their dreams and ambitions when they are unable to cope with repeated failures.

Therefore

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, parents should focus on fostering their

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children

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’s personal growth and self-confidence without relying on

competition

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as a motivational tool. In conclusion,

although

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a competitive atmosphere can encourage

children

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to develop valuable skills and qualities, I would argue that it can

also

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lead to serious issues

such

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as mental health problems and strained relationships. Parents should strive to strike a balance between motivating their

children

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and protecting their emotional well-being.

ghazl.1998gSun Jan 19 2025

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and there is a logical progression from one idea to the next to further enhance coherence.

coherence cohesion

Incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to make the transitions between ideas even more fluid.

task achievement

Explore potential solutions or alternatives to balance competition and well-being to enrich the argument further.

task achievement

The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the benefits and drawbacks of encouraging competition.

coherence cohesion

Strong introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main ideas, providing a clear overview of the discussion.

task achievement

The use of a specific example from research adds weight and credibility to the argument.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Some parents encourage their children to be competitive, for example in sports and classes at school. Other parents think that encouraging competition can be harmful to their children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around a city. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that the internet is increasing the gap between the rich and poor, while others argue that it helps to reduce this gap. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

n many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that it is wrong to keep animals in zoo. While others think that zoos are both entertaining and ecologically important. Discuss both views