Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that wehave a very sedentary lifestyle.

#people #world #fact #wehave #lifestyle

It is obvious that modern people are

fasing

Correct your spelling

facing

varius

Correct your spelling

various

health

problems

and

deseases

Correct your spelling

diseases

. Some individuals consider that

thisis

Correct your spelling

this is

due to our inactive

lifestiyle

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

. From my point of view, the reason can be considered as

oneof

Correct your spelling

one of

the biggest

problems

however

, we cannot ignore other more dangerous impacts that can easily cause sickness to our well-being

Firstly

, we should explain how

this

sedentary

lifestiye

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

lifetime

happened. Due to the fast development of technology,

peoplenow

Correct your spelling

people now

tend to rely on machines than doing

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

by themselves.

This

leads to a variety of dangerous

both

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

phisical

Correct your spelling

physical

physically

andmental

Correct your spelling

and mental

mental

health

problems

such

as stress, sleeplessness, high

preassure

Correct your spelling

pressure

, weak bones, overweight.

However

, there are other negative impacts caused by our daily background. For

instanse

Correct your spelling

instance

, the environment has

beenpolluted

Correct your spelling

been polluted

with toxic gasses, chemicals,

hence

people have to deal with different allergies.

Moreover

, individuals

wantto

Correct your spelling

want to

purchase cheap food products and

this

has led to the cause of foodborne diseases. To summarize, I agree with the fact that

sedentary

Correct article usage

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle is the cause of many medical

problems

however

wecannot

Correct your spelling

we can not

neglect other dangerous issues. All in all, I consider that we prioritize our health in any circumstances.

Submitted by icemarat6 on Sat Feb 05 2022

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

181 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that wehave a very sedentary lifestyle.

Your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, a large amount of advertising is aimed at children. Some people think it is negative for children and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable for the audience. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that homework is unnecessary and shoul be banned to school