IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe the aim of university education is to help graduates get better jobs. Others believethere are much wider benefits of university education for both individuals and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #aim #university #education #graduates #jobs #believethere #individuals #society
A group of
people
 think that the main purpose of
university
studies
 is to help their
students
 in getting a better career.Others disagree with the opinion, as they believe that undergraduate
studies
 give more benefits for their
graduatesbesides
Correct your spelling
graduates besides
graduate besides
 better jobs. The following essay will discuss
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both views in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
. On the one hand, many
people
 believe that the main goal of college
studies
to
Add a missing verb
is to
show examples
 get a better job.
This
 thought
hasbeen
Correct your spelling
has been
 generally accepted by the public, as many companies are only hiring
people
 who have obtained
certaindegrees
Correct your spelling
certain degrees
.
For example
, it is common that multinational oil companies
such
 as Shell, Chevron or Caltex will only
recruitnew
Correct your spelling
recruit new
 staffs who have obtained their bachelor degree, while those who have no degrees will only be hired as
generallabours
Correct your spelling
general labors
general labour
general labours
 in small factories. As a consequence, many
university
students
 only focus on their academic
studies
 and
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 participate in any extracurricular
activities
, as they believe that those programs are not important.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
 think that
university
studies
 give wider benefits to their
students
besidesthe
Correct your spelling
besides the
besides
 career purpose.
Firstly
,
university
studies
 give the
students
 a chance to enhance their talents in other fields,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 their academy
studies
. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
, it is common that universities are arranging sports
activities
such
asbasketball
Correct your spelling
as basketball
 or football. Many
students
 have experienced the advantage of
this
 program, which has helped them
inbecoming
Correct your spelling
in becoming
 professional athletes
such
 as Michael Jordan or Grant Hill.
Secondly
, universities
also
 provide social
clubssuch
Correct your spelling
clubs such
club such
 as a speech or a leadership club which are useful for the
students
.
Students
 who join these clubs
willexperience
Correct your spelling
will experience
 a lot of benefits as they learn how to interact with other
people
, deliver attractive presentations and
howto
Correct your spelling
how to
show examples
 lead an organisation.
Therefore
 many campuses are organising and arranging these extracurricular
activities
andpersuading
Correct your spelling
and persuading
 their
students
 to get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
 with one of the clubs. In my opinion,
although
 it is undeniable that the main aim of studying in
university
 is to get a better career, I
dobelieve
Correct your spelling
do believe
believe
 that other
activities
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
provided
Add a missing verb
are provided
show examples
 by the campus are
also
 beneficial for the
students
. And I think that
studentsshould
Correct your spelling
students should
 have a proportionate time between academic study, extracurricular
activities
 and social life.
Submitted by icemarat6 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: