IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people want to own items, such as cars, clothing and other things, that are made by famous brands. What are the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #items #cars #brands #development
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In modern society,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that having luxury
products
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a representation of social status.
That is
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 why many
people
Use synonyms
 want to buy famous items,
such
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 as luxurious automobiles, expensive watches or bags, and show off
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them to their community. In my opinion,
this
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 is an extremely negative development for our society in terms of many reasons. First of all, famous brands are
demanded
Change preposition
in demand
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 since their prices are unreachable for many citizens. That way, the others who can
effort
Verb problem
afford
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 to buy them show their economic and social status to their society.
However
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, in today's world,
people
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 who can't pay the price for these expensive
products
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 get loans from banks to buy them and prove their status to their community. Sadly,
as a result
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, they can't pay their loans to these banks and they get in trouble financially.
For instance
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, recent research showed that every two of the five families in the UK are dealing to pay their loans back,
due to
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 buying unnecessary luxury
products
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. In a nutshell, the ambition to buy expensive items may lead
people
Use synonyms
 into a lot of
debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
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. The other reason to consider
this
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 behaviour as a negative development is that it causes extreme damage to the environment. Many famous brands use toxic materials
instead
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 of healthy ones
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due
Correct word choice
apply
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to produce their
products
Use synonyms
quicker
Replace the word
quickly
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 and
cheaper
Replace the word
cheaply
show examples
. Unfortunately, these unhealthy materials are extremely dangerous for our atmosphere and cause air pollution.
As a consequence
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, they
also
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 increase the danger of global warming.
For example
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,
according to
Linking Words
 a study, the heat of the World increased
0.5
Change preposition
by 0.5
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 Celcius because of these famous brands and their toxic materials. In conclusion, the demand to buy these luxurious and famous
products
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 is a negative development for our world and
people
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 as regards economic and environmental reasons.
Submitted by kosebengisu on

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task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
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