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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Topic: Some people believe online reading material should be used for a child to learn to read whereas others believe only printed materials should be used. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

It is irrefutable that the internet has a revolutionary impact on everybody's life.
However
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, some individuals think that children should use online educational sources for
reading
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reading,
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while
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 others opine that it is more beneficial to
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
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 printed
books
Use synonyms
 for learning. Both views will be discussed before formulating the opinion.
To begin
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 with, computers and online information have become an important part of the education system
with
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, with
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 many advantages and disadvantages too.
In other words
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, the vast amount of study material made available online has helped students in an enormous way.
Due to
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this
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, they can easily increase their knowledge as the schools
also
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 give emphasis on relying on online information.
For instance
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, there are many educational apps
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such
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, such
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 as the
byju's
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Byju's
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 app,
vedandu
Correct your spelling
Vedantu
 app
which
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, which
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 are providing help to the students to uplift their knowledge.
Although
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,
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apply
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 excessive usage of screens
affects adversely
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adversely affects
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on
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apply
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children
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children's
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 eyesight
like
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, like
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 myopia, dry eye syndrome
etcetera
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, etcetera
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.
On the other hand
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, reading from
books
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 is emphasised by some people as it develops the
child'
Check wording
child's
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 ability to concentrate and creative thought process more effectively.
Moreover
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, offline reading is still a traditional method of teaching and learning in many countries.
According to
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 a study conducted, it was found that children who studied by reading printed
books
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 were more creative, active and tremendous in
memorization
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memorisation
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.
That is
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 why, reading manually should be given priority by the parents
as well as
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 schools. In my opinion, studying online materials
are
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is
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 useful
although
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 there are mammoth benefits of learning
by
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from
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 printed
books
Use synonyms
 in the
longer
Correct word choice
long
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 run.
To conclude
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 the topic, it can be said that there may be many benefits of studying despite some drawbacks.

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task response
State your view clearly in the introduction and repeat it in the conclusion.
language
Fix grammar and use shorter, simple sentences.
coherence
Use clear link words and a topic sentence in each paragraph to show flow.
evidence
Give clear and real examples to back up your points.
accuracy
Check spelling and punctuation, like the use of child’s.
structure
The essay has a clear plan: intro, 2 bodies, and a conclusion.
content
It discusses both sides and gives a view.
cohesion
There are link words that help the flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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