Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people,rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development？

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development？

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In recent years we have seen an increase in the number of retirement

homes

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around us. Many old

people

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now prefer to spend the rest of these

homes

Use synonyms

rather than with their children. I strongly

agree

Add the particle

toagree

show examples

believe that it’s a development in the right direction.

First

Linking Words

of all, as

people

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grow old they may require constant attention and

care

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This

Linking Words

may prove difficult to their children due to their hectic work schedule and other added responsibilities. It’s

also

Linking Words

expensive to find a home nurse to look after the parents in their absence. The

care

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homes

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are less expensive and they offer proper facilities and 24 hours

care

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for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

older

people

Use synonyms

Further

Linking Words

, they

also

Linking Words

have doctors residing with them so medical attention can be provided for those in need.

Secondly

Linking Words

, most

people

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find themselves more comfortable in the presence of their own age group,

this

Linking Words

is the case for old

people

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as well. They can relate to each other’s problems and reminiscence about the past. The

care

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homes

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also

Linking Words

offer many recreational activities

such

Linking Words

as music, dance, pottery classes to engage them. They

also

Linking Words

provide yoga classes

which

Correct pronoun usage

that

show examples

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

them relax and lead a

stress free

Add a hyphen

stress-free

show examples

life.

For example

Linking Words

, a survey conducted among old

people

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living in

care

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homes

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and

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

found that the one’s residing in the

homes

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stay positive, happy and more energetic than the latter.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, government institutions should see to it that they are not exploited or deprived of their rights. In conclusion, I believe that

its

Replace the word

it's

it is

show examples

beneficial for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

old

people

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to leave in retirement

homes

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as they offer more attention and facilities than their own

homes

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. Proper monitoring should be done by the families as well as the government institutions in charge.

Submitted by geosunny345 on Sun Feb 06 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people,rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development？

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some places old age is value, while in other cultures youth is consider more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

write a complaint about visa follow up by agents descrive the probelm

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience to support your arguments

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Some people think that children should study formal learning at school as young as possible. Others believe they should not go to school until they are at least 7. Discuss both views and give your opinion.