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Band 5.5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for slowing this problem

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents
Nowadays
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
 amount of
children
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
life
 way.
Education
Add an article
The education
show examples
 system and parents have to make attempt to solve
this
 problem. Childhood is the most important
life
 period which we must try to enlarge some fruitful habits. There is no doubt that one of them is
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
. Over
time
,
children
's
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 has been literally changed.
In particular
, parents because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they do not have enough
time
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
don't care about it.
Hence
,
children
 and teenagers waste plenty of
time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
unusual
Add an article
an unusual
the unusual
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
such
 as playing
digital
Add an article
the digital
a digital
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
 and
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting
show examples
 on
Add an article
a chair
the chair
show examples
chair
Fix the agreement mistake
chairs
show examples
.
Additionally
, they gain a lot of calories without
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 actively.
Add an article
The base
show examples
Base
Wrong verb form
Based
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 fact, over
this
 decade
children
Add the comma(s)
,children
show examples
 have been wasting plenty of their own
time
 on social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
 and they have done less exercise
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 what they did over
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 twenty years.
Moreover
, not only
children
 have been becoming
more fatty
Replace the words
fattier
show examples
 but
also
 some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 related to overweight have expanded among them.
Furthermore
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
children
 used to eat homemade
food
 more than they do now.
Thus
, they gain
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 celeries and more fruitful
nutrient
Fix the agreement mistake
nutrients
show examples
 which cause
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 healthy. Another factor affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 is consuming junk
food
 with
tras
Correct your spelling
trans
- oil. Particularly, junk
food
 is
completely
Correct article usage
a completely
show examples
 impact on hearth's performance. A great deal of importance is educating to use less high calories
food
 for
children
 could reduce
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of them especially if it does with teachers.
For example
, teaching about healthy
food
 like fruit or
whole grain
Add a hyphen
whole-grain
show examples
 bread and homemade
food
 could encourage
children
 to use them more. In conclusion, if
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
manner
Fix the agreement mistake
manners
show examples
 continued
children
 would become more unhealthy.
Hence
, teachers and parents have to help each other to tackle completely
this
 problem.
Submitted by ahad.dana on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
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