IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Many young people today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. What is the reason, and what can be done to encourage a positive attitude to learning?

#people #school #attitude #reason
Nowadays, a large number of teenagers are disillusioned with the education system. At the same time,
however
, there is some uncertainty about the causes of the problem, and how it might be resolved. In
this
 essay, I will review the issues in an effort to seek some answers.
To begin
 with, many students are bored with studying because of the emphasis on repetition, or perhaps they consistently achieve low scores in their tests, so they prefer to leave school and find work.
Moreover
, environmental factors cannot be ignored, since if discipline is weak, and most students in the same classroom do not study, others will
also
 give up their academic efforts.
In addition
, their family’s attitude affects them significantly, since many parents are too busy with their own work to focus on their children, who
then
 become negative about education.
On the other hand
,
however
, these problems could easily be overcome with minor adjustments to educational philosophy and the curriculum,
although
this
 may require a change of policy in some schools.
Furthermore
, teachers could do more to motivate their students, highlighting the benefits of learning and setting up study competitions with small prizes as incentives.
Also
, parents need to focus on their children's studies, showing satisfaction when they obtain high scores, and encouraging and supporting
instead
 of punishing them when their results are disappointing. To summarize, there is no doubt that some aspects of the education system serve to undermine many students’ commitment to learning, and change is long overdue. At the same time,
however
, there are many ways in which schools can reverse the trend, especially with the cooperation of families. In the final analysis,
therefore
, we must conclude that care and support both in the home and the school are needed for academic excellence.
Submitted by Esther on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: