IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Public libraries should only provide books and should not waste their limited resources on expensive high-tech media such as software, videos or DVDs. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is commonly known that innovation has become more and more common in today’s learning environment, for ,instance public libraries.
While
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 some people argue that these locations should provide only printed materials, others believe that new technologies and services, for ,example computers, software and hardware, should be used to facilitate students’ learning, and I agree with the latter as opposed to the former.
To begin
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 with, public archives should adapt to accommodate new applications of technology for learning, research, and information because teenagers learn their subjects in different ways. Learning through different channels helps learners to understand their lectures from different perspectives.
This
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 is a fact that has been proven by a recent study carried out by the University of Toronto in which juveniles learn 80% faster when they can access the internet for self-study purposes. Since not everyone learns the same way, it is
therefore
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 evident that new learning technologies should be available for admissions at those places.
Secondly
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, if media centres provided publications only, knowledge acquisition would be limited. The following is because the reports get damaged over time and the information written gets obsolete. To illustrate
such
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 a phenomenon, a study carried out by the University of Cambridge found that 20% of the bookshelves were getting mould from humidity and
consequently
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 damaging the older records, making them disposable. Since papers and notebooks get outdated and damaged, it is
therefore
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 clear that technology should be heavily invested in public bibliothecas to more effectively preserve and mine their collections online. In conclusion, the increasing investment in educational technology has brought up a lot of opportunities for learners.
Hence
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, public studies should not be an exception to aforesaid trends and high-tech media should be used to keep knowledge available for library users.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay is very well organized, with a clear introduction that introduces the main arguments, logical structuring of paragraphs, and an excellent conclusion. There are a few instances where an extra space was added before a comma. Properly using punctuation will provide a better flow and enhance your coherence & cohesion score.
task achievement
You've done a great job of responding completely to the prompt, providing comprehensive ideas that agree with the incorporation of high-tech media in libraries. However, while your examples are relevant to the topic, some could be presented in a more specific manner, which would improve the clarity of your points. Similarly, considering the counter-arguments or drawbacks might enhance your overall performance in task achievement.
lexical resource
Your diction is complex and demonstrates excellent control over lexical resources. Few expressions used were repetitive like 'public libraries', try replacing them with synonyms or pronouns to avoid repetitiveness thus enhancing the fluency.
grammatical range
The range of grammatical structures used is broad and the grammatical accuracy is high. There are minor errors in punctuation usage with a misplaced comma in the first paragraph. Maintaining consistent accuracy with punctuation can improve your grammatical range score.
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