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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that individuals over 65 should not be allowed to continue working. Others think that people should be allowed to work for as long as they choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #work
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The
population
Use synonyms
 has given emergence to severe and stark competition. Owing to
this
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, employment, employability, employees, and employers are often spotted in a series of knots and
crosses
Correct subject-verb agreement
cross
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 networks. Some
people
Use synonyms
 put forth that
one
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to
work
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 on their own accord till the time
one
Use synonyms
 wants to,
while
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 some proselytize that
one
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t be permitted to be employed over the
age
Use synonyms
 of 65 years. In the paragraphs to follow, I shall be enlightening both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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opinions and
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 peddle my thoughts as to why setting a threshold is essential in today’s era. As is known to all, our
population
Use synonyms
 waves have been flowing up the brink of nature’s carrying capacities, and
this
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 has caused umpteen issues and indispositions when it comes to management. The employment crisis is most certainly
one
Use synonyms
 of them. To satiate and suffice the needs and desires of
one
Use synonyms
’s family members and oneself,
one
Use synonyms
 has to toil and drudge hard irrespective of what
age
Use synonyms
 they are of.
Moreover
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, the ailing
population
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 index has caused strife among inhabitants of the world, where
one
Use synonyms
 has to
work
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one
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’s fingers to the bone to make resources both available and attainable. In
such
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 a scenario, it becomes all the more obstreperous when a household has only
one
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 bread-earner.
In addition
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 to that, some old-aged
people
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work
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 for their happiness and pleasure and
thus
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, as some
people
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 argue,
one
Use synonyms
 shouldn’t be curbed from working past a certain
age
Use synonyms
. In an entirely different direction, another pool of thought says that given
to
Change preposition
apply
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a heavy and tempestuous scarcity of resources and the paucity of job opportunities, a fair share of chance should be given to the younger generation, which
otherwise
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 gets muffled in the fleet of experienced and senior employees. I somehow find myself swinging in the same direction. As the
population
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 havoc has caused rifts across the populace, young
people
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 are afflicted the most. In a corporate environment that generally keeps on hunting for seasoned professionals, the freshers generally have to settle and swallow the consolation amount against their tags that deem them
as
Change preposition
apply
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freshers. Taking a scenario wherein a family yet again has a sole penny-maker, they being relatively newer and novice in the field of their concerned stream makes them do nothing but
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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put up with the ongoing trend, thereby only causing a thrust and pressure over
such
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 individuals. Corporate recruitment generally works on the principle of demand and supply, where the retired employees are substituted by the new recruits,
therefore
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, not putting up a certain
age
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 bracket would not only mar the entire flow but
also
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 would make the profit of an organization diminutive.
Also
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, taking into account the health factor, as is often
reconnoitered
Change the spelling
reconnoitred
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, human efficiency decreases dramatically from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 60 years,
hence
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, a well-defined
age
Use synonyms
 bracket that allows
people
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 to
work
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till
Change preposition
to
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 a certain limit is
very
Rephrase
apply
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essential.
Hence
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, we may say in conclusion that
although
Linking Words
 working till the time
one
Use synonyms
 wants to could at times seem appealing and required, its ramifications and deleterious effects couldn’t be subsided.
Therefore
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, there should be a fixed
age
Use synonyms
 limit post which
one
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 shouldn’t be allowed to
work
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by tamorah2020 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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