IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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For the development of a nation, governments have to improve and expand the businesses that will help to increase the economy of the country and
also
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able
Correct word choice
enable it
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 to compete with other advanced countries. But,
this
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 advancement somewhere affects the local societies and businesses rapidly,
besides
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this
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 local culture of every region is
ended-up
Correct your spelling
ended up
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 very soon. I partially agree with
this
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 argument and in
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons why development is important and what should we do to build a good relationship between small businesses and local communities. There is no doubt that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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construct
Wrong verb form
constructed
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 the larger buildings in every city of their nation, to earn more taxes from their country folks, by borrowing the shops to them for selling the products or services.
This
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 is possible because of advancements in technology, which helps to expand the small markets into supermarkets, where all are items available that are somewhat not available
n
Change preposition
in
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 the local markets.
Moreover
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,
this
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 expansion assists the customers
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
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 things and
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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 the bill
with
Change preposition
through
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 self-checkout
instead
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 of searching for staff.
In addition
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 to
this
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, the advancements in supermarkets provide job opportunities to many youths in the front section
as well as
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 the back section,like, the warehouse.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks to supermarket expansion.
Starting with
Verb problem
With
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 main and most effective is
shut
Fix the infinitive
to shut
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 down the business of small owners who earn some money from their daily selling and
fulfil
Wrong verb form
fulfilling
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 the
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 of their family members.
Furthermore
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, the bond between the local
cultural
Replace the word
culture
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 and local business going to
weaker
Add a missing verb
be weaker
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 every day, because
then
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 consumers prefer to buy things from big malls rather than visiting the small shops which are nearby their hometown.
For example
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, in the past time, everybody likes to buy products from their town market, because of the quality of the item and
easy
Correct your spelling
ease
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to buy
Change preposition
of buying
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 without wasting time
in
Change preposition
apply
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travelling to city malls. But, now consumers are always ready to go out and go shopping in big malls. In conclusion, I think it is the responsibility of everyone and governments to always keep a good bond within the local societies because the future generation will learn from our present. So, if the present discloses the traditional culture
then
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 the poor person will not feed their family.

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task response
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents both sides of the argument effectively. However, to improve task response, make sure to clearly state your opinion on whether you agree or disagree in the introduction and provide more specific reasons to support your stance throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transition words and phrases to connect your ideas within paragraphs and between sections. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea to improve the overall coherence of the essay.
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