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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that if a police officer carries guns, it can encourage a higher level of violence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #police #officer #guns #level #violence
It is argued that giving a chance to the policeman to carry out his gun all the time increases the possibility of more
violence
 by sort of public. I totally agree with
this
 belief and give some arguments to the evidence by following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the
violence
 of policemen can truly be increased by giving them opportunities to carry out their
guns
 all the period. Because they can make themselves to shoot with their
guns
 if even in the unnecessary conditions.
For instance
: if there will be a
such
 kind of small robbery by people but policeman could not catch them, it can lead police officers to make shoots towards them in order to complete their tasks
due to
 some stress.
Secondly
,
also
 policemen can use their particular
guns
 in the small conditions where
instead
 of it can be finished by their physical body. The great example of
this
 will be the type of community who want to obey them.
Thirdly
, carrying out
guns
 by the police officers all the time can cause to the communication between officers and simple public.
In other words
, communities might be frightened even to ask simple questions from them
due to
 their
violence
 environments.
For example
: if somebody might be disappeared in strange place and could not be found his right location and wishes to ask help from policemen but have fear
due to
 their
guns
. In my opinion, carrying out in all positions and making
violence
 environment have huge disadvantageous sides as mentioned. So, it will be really beneficial to take
guns
 only in the useful happenings.
Submitted by abdullayev2000ulugbek on

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Task Response
The essay lacks a clear position on the given topic and does not fully respond to the prompt. There is a need for a more structured argument and clear stance on the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure, but the ideas are not well-developed. There is some attempt at using cohesive devices, but more is needed to improve overall coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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